I Don't Trust Myself with Loving You
by FoolsRushIn
Summary: What if Barney had seen Robin that night at MacLaren's instead of Ted? Barney/Robin. AU of season one.
1. Catching Feelings

_Okay, I've had this idea for a really long time but I wasn't sure how I wanted to write it and I wrote this in kind of a hurry. It all just kind of came out. I know I have other stories, but I just updated them so this is okay! I don't think this will be a super long story, maybe a couple of chapters. Give me feedback and let me know what you guys think. If I should continue, if the characters seem OOC or anything else you want to let me know. Thanks and I hope you like it!_

_Disclaimer: I obviously don't own the show or any of the characters, unfortunately. _

Barney had been eyeing this brunette at the bar all night. It was wrong on so many levels and for so many reasons. Number one: he wasn't just eyeing her; he was watching her, which Barney Stinson just didn't do. Number two: he hadn't even been trying to take anyone home. Every time he was on the verge of success, his eyes would wander to the brunette and that would be the end of it. Number three: She had been here for almost three hours and he hadn't hit on her yet. Whenever he tried to go talk to her something would distract him (and it definitely wasn't because he was nervous. That would just be ridiculous). Number three (and arguably most important): she was wearing a turtleneck. A turtleneck! Not some slutty low-cut top, no she was wearing a turtleneck. And she looked amazing. Better than any woman should look in something that actively hides flesh.

He watched her leave her friends and make her way to the bar and he made up his mind. He was going to hit on her and he would take her home tonight. He would, because she wasn't different than any other girl. He took a deep breath and moved toward her. He came up behind her, standing close but not too close.

"100 bucks says that when you turn around," he started but didn't get to finish as the brunette whirled around.

"You say 'wow'?" She asked raising an eyebrow. And he stood there with his mouth open, flapping slightly. He was fairly certain he resembled a fish, but he continued to stand there staring at her. This girl had just completed his pick-up line. Women didn't do that, actually most of the women he hit on were too oblivious to notice it was a line, but whatever. The woman laughed at him and shook her head. "Yeah, I've heard you use that line on five other girls tonight."

"I-I-I have not!" He sputtered. Dear God, he was off his game. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Yes," she nodded. "You have. So, what are you still doing here? I think you've hit on every woman in the bar."

"To be honest," he smirked turning on his charm. "All those women were like 6's or 7's, but you're a 10."

"Flattery will get you nowhere." She warned turning toward the bar and getting Carl's attention. "Can I have a Jonnie Walker Blue neat?" Okay, this girl must've come out of Barney's fantasy because she just ordered a Jonnie Walker, not a Cosmo or a Margarita. A Jonnie Walker.

"Nice choice," he commented appreciatively.

"I'm not going home with you." She said taking a sip of her drink.

"I'm sorry, I must have missed the part where I asked you to." At least he wasn't sputtering like an idiot anymore. Although, if he didn't have any chance before, he had definitely lost it now.

"Oh I'm sorry, did you miss the part where you used a pick-up line?" She asked raising an eyebrow. He liked this girl. She could give it back to him. He actually liked talking to her. There were very few women he could say that about and normally there was the promise of sex afterwards. And at this point he was sure this night wouldn't end in sex, at least not with her.

"I like you," Barney nodded thoughtfully. "Barney Stinson." He said and held out his hand for her to shake.

"Robin Scherbatsky," she smiled placing her hand in his. He felt a shock when their hands touched. Stupid static electricity. That had to be what it was, it's not like it was a spark because things like that didn't actually happen. Except for Lily and Marshall but they didn't count.

"Scherbatsky?" He questioned mulling it over. "Russian?" She could be Russian, he figured. Russian women were hot. The biggest problem with Russia was that there was no sundress season. It was a shame, really. All those women going to waste.

"Actually, I'm Canadian." And there it was, the 'oh' moment. Ew, Canada.

"Ugh," he groaned.

"What's wrong with Canada?" She asked her voice getting defensive.

"Only everything," he scoffed rolling her eyes. "I don't even know why we let you guys be a country."

"Uhm, Canada is way more awesome than America."

"You can't use the words Canada and awesome in the same sentence. It's an oxymoron." He explained taking a sip of beer.

"How can you even defend America?" She asked incredulously. "Canada has universal healthcare, we actually agree on important issues, we have hockey, and Tim Horton's. I mean, c'mon." Barney laughed. He couldn't believe she was actually attempting to defend Canada.

"You say the word out as 'oot', your cops are called Mounties, and your national animal is a beaver!"

"Hey! Beavers are cute!"

"Typical Canadian," he muttered shaking his head sadly.

"God, I could really throw a drink in your face right now." She said glaring at him and he laughed.

"No one would throw a drink in the Barnacle's face because I'm awesome." He smiled singing the last part.

"Yeah, that just strengthened the feeling." She took another sip and swung the glass between her fingers. "Lucky for you, this drink is way too good to waste."

"So Scherbatsky," he said liking the way her last name sounded on his lips. God, that was corny. What was going on? "I haven't seen you talk to any men tonight, besides me. You're not a lesbian, are you?" He asked quirking an eyebrow. He knew she wasn't. He could spot a lesbian from a mile away. What he really wanted to know was if she was taken or single or what exactly the deal was.

"No," she glowered at him and he laughed. He expected that reaction. "My friend over there," she gestured pointing to the corner booth, "just got dumped. Men are off-limits." He glanced at Robin's friends and noticed the one in the middle was glaring directly at him.

"You're still talking to me." He pointed out.

"Yeah, well. They're a little depressing."

"You're not going to admit it's because maybe you like me, just a little." She shook her head, a smirk formed, and her lips turned upward.

"You know you've been talking to me for the last 45 minutes and I've already taken sex off the table. What gives, Stinson?" He smiled at her use of his last name. Jesus Christ, he was turning into Ted.

"I can't just enjoy a woman's company?"

"Not when you've hit on, literally, every woman in this bar."

"Okay, I may have an ulterior motive." He admitted. He didn't really, but he didn't want to sound like a Ted. He racked his brain trying to think of a good reason and came up with nothing. He felt himself getting more and more wound up as he looked at her. He could not be falling for her, this was craziness. Barney Stinson did not fall for women. Especially not Canadians. He needed to go play laser tag. Laser tag! That was it. She wouldn't want to play laser tag, this could ruin the illusion. No girl would play laser tag. Actually, no one over twelve really played laser tag, but Barney could because he was awesome. She raised her eyebrow in question.

"I need a laser tag partner."

"What?" She asked the confusion written all over her face.

"There's a laser tag championship this weekend and I need a partner. My friend Ted was supposed to do it, but he bailed." Barney explained easily, it's not like it was a lie. He did need a partner but he hadn't asked Ted yet. Although Ted always said no.

"I didn't know laser tag still existed." She laughed and he gasped.

"How could you not know of the existence of such an awesome sport?" He asked in mock shock. This was it, she was going to say no. Bam! Illusion shattered. He would get over this girl quickly. Not before he could get under her though. What up?

"Alright, I'm in." What? No, no, no. She was supposed to say 'no'.

"What?"

"I'm in. Sounds like fun," she shrugged. Okay, what else could he say to scare her off? This woman was almost too good to be true. When he shook his head clearing his thoughts and he noticed her hand was out.

"Huh?" He asked looking at her hand.

"Your phone," she said impatiently. "If you want me to be your laser tag partner, you need a way to get a hold of me."

"Oh, right." He handed over the phone and couldn't help but feel like a complete idiot. He had been talking to Robin for over an hour and didn't even get her number. He spent less time convincing woman to go home with him. He glanced around the bar and noticed Ted giving him a curious look. He ignored Ted and turned his attention back to Robin. He would not let Ted see this weakness. He would never hear the end of it. When Ted left a half an hour later, Barney was still at the bar talking to Robin. He tried not to notice the knowing look on Ted's face when he left.

He wasn't developing feelings. Ugh, feelings. No, he had just never met a woman who had so much in common with him. A woman who was this, for lack of a better word, awesome. But he definitely didn't have feelings for her. Plus, he had only known her for a couple of hours. He was positive that the more he got to know her, the less appealing she would be. Once she expressed her interest in marriage and children, all thoughts of feelings would go out the window. Yeah, then Robin would just be a friend. A bro, which was an honor really. It's not often that a woman was worthy of the bro title. And that's all she was, just a bro, because Barney Stinson did not catch feelings.


	2. Barney's Girl?

_Hey, guys! I hope you like this chapter. Thank you so so so much for all the positive feedback. I'm really excited you guys like the idea so far. I'm trying really hard to not make the characters OOC so I hope I'm doing okay. Happy Holidays everyone!_

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><p>Robin was having the worst day. She had been stuck at work late almost every night this week, which caused her to wake up late this morning. To top it all off this creepy guy she worked with wouldn't stop hitting on her and Metro News 1 was last in the ratings. That was a pretty hard thing to accomplish in New York City. She needed a drink, a really really strong drink. She gave the cab driver the address to MacLaren's. It's not like she was trying to run into Barney again, after all they were hanging out on Saturday. Although, she wouldn't mind seeing him again. Sure, he may seem like a total manwhore but during their conversation she had gotten to know him a little bit and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. Not to mention he was extremely attractive. She wasn't sure if she was going to sleep with him, because she really needed friends in the City. Well, friends she liked at least. Barney was one of the first people she met that she actually enjoyed having a conversation with.<p>

But she wasn't going to MacLaren's to see Barney. She was going there because it was a decent bar that wasn't filled with sleazy guys and she needed a drink. When she finally got to the bar she looked around. Barney definitely wasn't here, which was probably a good thing. At least she could drink in peace. She took a seat at the bar next to a petite red-haired woman. Robin gave the woman a small smile before turning to the bar and ordering a scotch. She needed something strong. She was nursing her scotch when the red head turned toward her.

"Excuse me," the woman smiled looking at Robin cautiously. Robin knew she was giving off the bitch vibe and she didn't mean to, she was just having a really shitty day. She looked over and gave the woman a more prominent smile hoping to seem friendlier. "Your boots are adorable," the woman squealed and she let out a genuine laugh.

"Thanks, I got them at Bloomingdales my first week in the City." She explained glancing down at her boots.

"Oh, so you're not from here?" Robin shook her head and took another sip of her scotch.

"Well, I'm Lily." She stuck her hand out and Robin shook it.

"Robin," she introduced. Lily smiled and began to talk about all the stores Robin absolutely had to go to now that she lived here. She nodded at all the right places and listened as this woman talked on and on about fashion. Robin wasn't sure what it was about Lily, but she really liked her. She didn't know what happened but suddenly Lily trailed off and turned her attention toward the door. Robin followed her gaze and her eyes landed on two men. One tall brunette man and another shorter one with his hair spiked slightly.

"Ooh, Robin! You have to meet Marshall and Ted! You should have a drink with us. We really need another girl in our group." Lily persuaded dragging Robin by the arm over to the booth the two men were in. "Guys, this is Robin." She said gesturing to her. "This is my fiancé Marshall," she pointed to the taller of the two. "And that's Ted."

"Hey," Robin smiled shifting awkwardly before taking a seat next to Ted as both men greeted her. She continued to drink her scotch as she listened to Marshall and Lily banter back and forth. She always hated couples like that, who were so in love they could ignore everyone else but they were different. She couldn't help but get a little attached to them. She knew the likelihood of seeing these guys again were slim, but she really liked them. She looked over at Ted, who hadn't said much since she sat down, and noticed he was looking at her. She raised an eyebrow at him and his cheeks turned a light pink as he turned his attention to the top of the table. When Marshall and Lily went up to get refills, Ted finally spoke.

"Okay, I'm completely sorry if I misplaced you but were you the girl talking to Barney the other night?" Oh no, these people were friends with Barney? Well, now she couldn't sleep with him if she ever wanted to hang out with them again.

"I don't know," she shrugged with a smirk. "There were a lot of girls talking to Barney the other night." Ted laughed, but nodded in agreement.

"He talked to you for a long time though."

"Yeah," she smiled remembering her and Barney's conversation. "I think he was just upset because I didn't fall for his charm."

"You mean you didn't go home with him?" Robin shook her head. Despite what she had seen of Barney earlier that night in the bar, he had actually been incredibly nice to her. After she ignored his advances, he stopped trying to flirt with her excessively and was just normal. No cheeky smile, no schmoozing. Of course he hit on her a couple times afterwards, but he knew he wouldn't succeed. Underneath the playboy exterior, she believed this guy might have a heart of gold. Although she only talked to him for a couple of hours so what did she really know? Almost nothing. He told her little about his job, other than that he worked for Ultracell. He talked briefly about his childhood in Staten Island and his brother. Now that she thought about it, she wasn't sure how they had talked for hours. All she knew was that when she left for the night, she was really looking forward to the laser tag tournament on Saturday.

"No, he was actually really," she paused searching for the right word. She knew no matter how she worded it, Ted probably wouldn't believe her. He already seemed skeptical when she told him they didn't go home together. "Sweet." She finally settled on. Ted let out a laugh.

"If there is one thing Barney Stinson definitely is not, it's sweet."

"I see where you're coming from." Robin agreed knowing that what she had witnessed from Barney earlier the other night had been anything but sweet. "But he was really nice. He invited me to a laser tag tournament, I gave him my number, we talked for a couple of hours and then he put me in a cab and sent me home." Ted's jaw dropped in complete shock and Robin had to laugh.

"You mean that even after he got your number, he kept talking to you?" She nodded. "And he invited you to play laser tag with him? Laser tag?" She nodded again. "Wow," he breathed out leaning against the booth.

"What's going on?"Lily asked as Marshall came up behind her with both of their beers in his hands.

"Robin is _the _girl." Robin's eyebrows crinkled in confusion. She was _the _girl? How big of a deal was it that Barney hadn't gone home with her?

"The girl?" Lily asked just as confused as Robin. Ted nodded fervently and looked at Marshall. Robin was guessing that whenever she was labeled "the girl", Lily hadn't been around.

"Wait, Barney's girl?" Marshall asked excitedly sitting down. Ted continued to nod and Marshall's smile widened.

"You slept with Barney?" Lily asked disappointed looking in her direction and Robin shook her head.

"No, I didn't go home with Barney." Robin repeated and the smile dropped off Marshall's face.

"So, Barney sat at the bar and talked to you for hours and he didn't even go home with you?" Marshall asked, clearly in just as much shock as Ted had been in moments before. She hoped they didn't expect her to convert Barney into a king of monogamy, because honestly relationships weren't her style either. Sure, in the couple of hours she had gotten to know Barney she really liked him but not enough to be in a relationship with him. She was sure it worked both ways too.

"You're that girl?" Lily asked bouncing in her seat. Robin nodded and she knew the expression on her face was growing grave. Marshall placed his hand on Lily's leg.

"Baby," he scolded softly trying to calm her down and Lily immediately stopped bouncing.

"Sorry, we're probably scaring you," Lily apologized giving Robin a sympathetic smile. She shrugged.

"No," she shook her head quickly. "I didn't realize it was that big of a deal though. I mean, I saw him hit on a bunch of women but he seemed like a nice enough guy." Ted shrugged.

"He is," he finally said. "We wouldn't hang out with him otherwise, but he's kind of a jerk to women." Marshall and Lily both nodded in agreement.

"As in he talks to them for 45 minutes, takes them home with him, and then never calls them again."

"Oh," she muttered. She actually had Barney totally pegged as that type of guy when she was watching him at the bar, but after talking to him for some time she gave him a little more credit. There was a reason Barney was the way he was, she didn't know what it was but she understood that. She knew the feeling of everyone judging you because you didn't want marriage and kids and a white picket fence. There were very few people who actually grasped that. She felt bad that Barney's friends clearly didn't get it. She figured this conversation was designed to get her to stay away from Barney, but the longer it went on; the more she wanted to get to know him. "Well, he knew 5 minutes into our conversation that I wasn't going home with him." This floored them again.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Robin nodded. His friends clearly didn't give him enough credit. "He was really nice. You guys don't give him enough credit." She finally said.

"I think if you knew him like we know him, you'd be just as shocked as we are." Ted explained and she shrugged. Maybe she would, but she had a feeling she wouldn't be that shocked. But then again, after only an hour of talking to these people she already thought she understood him better than they did. Robin knew she could be completely wrong about him, but she had always been a pretty good judge of character. The conversation switched to other topics and they all talked comfortably, sipping their drinks; until there was a commotion by the door. Robin had to stifle a laugh as Barney walked through the door suavely smiling at various women.

"Relax, ladies! The Barnacle is here," he announced walking over to their booth. "Ted," he whined sitting down without looking at her. "Did you bring a date? That's unacceptable! You were supposed to be my wingman tonight." Ted opened his mouth to interrupt, but Barney shook his head. "If she's super hot, I'll give you a free pass for the night." He said finally turning his attention toward her. "Oh, he-hey Robin."

"Hi Barney," she smiled at him as he shifted in his chair.

"So you're on a date with Ted?" He asked, unable to keep the disgust out of his voice.

"No," Lily said before she could answer. If Robin had answered, she didn't think she'd be able to keep the disgust out of her voice. Ted seemed like a nice guy, but totally not her type. In the brief time she had been talking to him, she already knew he was a 'let's get married and have babies' type of guy, which freaked her out to no end. "I met Robin at the bar and invited her to have a drink with us."

"Oh," Barney said visibly relaxing. She sighed when her phone rang. Of course she would get called into work now. She flipped her phone open, quickly scanning through the story.

"I have to go. Some guy's about to jump off a bridge," she explained standing up.

"I'll walk you out." Barney offered jumping out of his seat.

"Bye guys," she waved at Ted, Marshall, and Lily and they smiled back. She really hoped she saw them again.

"So," he said sticking his hands in his pocket as they waited for a cab. "We're still on for laser tag on Saturday, right?"

"Wouldn't miss it," she smiled widely and dropped her phone into her purse.

"I was thinking since you've never played before, maybe we should set up a time to practice. I don't want you to ruin our shot of winning." She shook her head.

"I wouldn't dream of it, Stinson. I'm a pretty good shot." She explained and he eyed her closely.

"How do you know that?" He asked raising an eyebrow and a smirk worked its way onto her face. "Scherbatsky! Are you a gun nut?" He asked excitedly.

"After we play laser tag, I'll teach you how to use a real gun." She winked and Barney gulped clearing his throat loudly. Robin laughed as the cab pulled up. "See you later Barney," she waved getting into the cab.

"I'll give you a call," he said quietly as she closed the door. It was so quiet she almost didn't hear him over the noises of the city. She smiled at him as the cab pulled away. This day turned out a lot better than she expected.


	3. Never Say Never

_Thanks for all the positive feedback guys, it means so much! I know this chapter was more of a filler then anything, but they have to get to know each other. I decided since How I Met Your Mother wasn't new tonight I'd at least try and update. I'm so nervous for the rest of the season. Anyways, hope you liked the chapter. Let me know your thoughts, questions, requests, or anything else you have to say. Thanks!_

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><p>This wasn't a date. This was not a date. That's what Barney kept telling himself as he held the door open for Robin. They had a talk, okay more like she had asked him and he agreed to be just friends. He understood it. He was awesome, there was no denying that. In fact, he was so awesome that he couldn't bear to be brought down by someone else. No matter how awesome that other person was and so far Robin was pretty awesome. But he couldn't think like that, they were bros. He even made her recite the Bro Code Oath. She already was a better bro than Ted and Marshall combined. In the past three days, they had hung out almost every night. Well Lily, Marshall, and Ted were there too, but still. She wingwomaned for him the other night and helped send him home with an 8, with almost no effort on his part. She went to the cigar bar with him last night, Ted had never even gone to the cigar bar. And after the cigar bar, they went back to MacLaren's and she ordered a scotch. He kept waiting for the big 'oh' moment. He could get over the Canadian part, it wasn't a huge deal, but he couldn't find anything else wrong with her. That's what freaked him out more than anything. That's why he had to remind himself that this wasn't a date, because Barney Stinson did not do dates. It's not like he wanted a girlfriend, but Robin Scherbatsky seemed to be the perfect woman. That was ridiculous, there was no such thing as a perfect woman. Pfft, why was he Tedding-out about this?<p>

"Ready, Stinson?" Robin asked and Barney turned to look at her. And all he could think about was how hot she looked in the vest with her laser tag gun in her hand. That was more like Barney, he could think about how hot a woman looked. That was not off limits, even if she was a bro.

"Of course, Scherbatsky." He smirked following closely behind her into the dark area. "Now, you attack them from the right and I'll get them from the left and we'll meet in the middle to take down any wanderers. Go!" He yelled as they both took off running in opposite directions. He got a little distracted watching Robin take down a group of kids. She wasn't lying when she said she was a good shot. He still managed to shoot at a good number of the little turds. He smiled at Robin as they met up in the middle holding his hand out for a high-five, which she willingly returned. They ended up playing laser tag longer than Barney ever had before. He told her, repeatedly, that they didn't have to keep playing but she just kept shaking her head every time he suggested quitting.

They were sitting in the food court eating a pretzel, obviously they both had their own separate pretzel because they didn't share food. "So Scherbatsky," he said taking a bite of his pretzel. "Got your eye on someone?"

"Huh?" She asked her eyebrows scrunching in confusion. She looked pretty cute confused, no not cute. Girls were never cute. Nothing was ever cute. Robin was just his unusually and extremely hot bro.

"C'mon a woman like you, nearing her 30s…" He trailed off raising an eyebrow and her eyes widened.

"I am not almost 30, do I look that old?" She asked touching her face self-consciously.

"No, no, no." He said quickly. "I just figured you were one of those women who look younger than they are."

"Oh," she said slowly breathing an audible sigh of relief, then she shook her head looking back up at him. "Sorry, what were you asking before?"

"If you had your eye on someone, y'know, the future Mr. Robin Scherbatsky," she laughed loudly and he couldn't help but smile. She had one of those infectious laughs and it never failed. Every single time she laughed, he either had to laugh or smile. It wasn't too bad though. It's not like he would consider abandoning all his principles for her, i.e. he'd never be in a relationship.

"No, I don't think I want a future Mr. Scherbatsky."

"Y-y-you don't want to get married?" He asked shocked. All women wanted to get married and have lots of children.

"Not really," she shrugged taking a sip of her soda. "Relationships aren't really my thing. I prefer more casual arrangements." Barney smiled at her, but inside he was screaming a little bit. There just wasn't a bad thing about this woman. They got along, they both hated commitment, and they both wanted casual. If he wasn't such a commitment-phobe, he'd probably propose right now. Then he shuddered. Ugh, marriage. "You okay, Barney?" She asked, an eyebrow raised in concern.

"Fine," he stuttered clearing his throat. "So, do you want to head back to MacLaren's?" He needed to be around other people that could hold him accountable for his actions. Lily already told him he wasn't allowed to sleep with Robin. The fact that she was forbidden paired with how well she suited him made it almost impossible to resist her.

"No," she said and he was surprised. Oh no, was she getting sick of them already? He hoped not. He wanted to keep her in the group. She was a much better wingman than Ted, plus she was easy on the eyes. Then he noticed the twinkle in her eye and he wondered what exactly she had up her sleeve. "I told you I'd show you how to shoot a real gun and that's exactly what I'm going to do." She smiled grabbing their trash and throwing it away. As she made her way to the exit she turned around to look at him. "You coming, Stinson?"

"Stinson out!" Barney yelled to the mostly empty food court before breaking out in a run to try and catch up with Robin.

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><p>He knew he was in trouble when they walked into the shooting range and the man behind the counter recognized her. "Hey Mike," she smiled.<p>

"I see you have a new recruit," the man said gesturing to Barney and pulling out an extra pair of earmuffs for him.

"Yeah, I'm going to teach him how to shoot a real gun." The man laughed and gave Barney a slight nod of acknowledgment, before telling Robin her usual booth was open. She had a usual booth? He almost couldn't believe his eyes when he watched her dig through her purse and pull out the gun. She'd been carrying a gun around all day. He was a little freaked out, but also impressed. She picked up the gun nonchalantly and shot the target dead center several times. He gulped. Honestly, guns scared him a little bit. Although Robin looked extremely hot using one, he was okay never knowing what it was like. She smiled widely and turned toward him, placing the gun on the counter behind her. "You ready?" She asked. It's not like he could say no. That would just be embarrassing. Barney Stinson wasn't afraid of anything.

Robin handed him the gun and lined him up with the target. She was giving him directions but he wasn't really listening. He couldn't believe how awesome it felt to hold a gun. The fear was slowly melting away to make room for something else. He was just excited now. It occurred to him that maybe he should've listened to what Robin was saying considering he had no idea what to do with a gun. He couldn't help it though. The adrenaline was pumping in his ears and he hadn't even shot the gun yet. He shot the gun without waiting for her to finish talking. Robin yelped and he smiled until the recoil started, which he definitely wasn't prepared for. "I told you to watch out for the recoil." He heard Robin scold before he blacked out.

He didn't know how long he was out for, but when he came to he was sitting on a bench. Robin's face was dangerously close to his and her hand was on his leg. He groaned loudly and a smile lit up her face. "You're awake!" She exclaimed and he winced at the volume. "You scared me, dude. I thought we were going to have to make a trip to the ER tonight." He closed his eyes tightly trying to block out the bright lights.

"What happened?" He mumbled.

"You didn't listen to me when I told you to watch out for the recoil." She muttered crossing her arms.

"Sorry?" He said trying his best to look pathetic, which probably wasn't hard at this moment.

"It's fine. We need to take you home and clean you up though. You've got a nice mark on your forehead." She said and his hands instantly went to his forehead looking for the wound. "Don't worry," she said offering her arm to him to help him stand up. "It'll heal and before it does you can make up some awesome story to tell women to get them into bed." He laughed in spite of his headache as she pulled him up.

"Can we go to the bar and try it out now?" He asked putting most of his weight on her shoulders as they stumbled out of the shooting range. She glanced over at him and pulled a tissue out of her purse.

"No, I don't think anyone wants to sleep with a guy who's still bleeding."

"Pfft, clearly you've never seen the Barnacle in action." He scoffed. He was in no shape to pick up any women, but Robin had brought it up. She rolled her eyes.

"Even you couldn't get a woman to sleep with you like this."

"Challenge accepted!" He yelled standing up straight and then immediately slumping back onto her shoulders.

"No, you're going home." She said hailing a cab and putting him in then, climbing in behind him. Whatever, he could prove his point later. She gave her address to the cabbie, but Barney immediately corrected her. There was no way they were going all the way to Robin's when his place was right down the street. He didn't normally take women back to his place, he tried to go to theirs whenever possible. But Robin was different. None of his friends had ever seen his apartment either. It was just something he kept private. When they pulled up in front of his apartment, he was feeling better. His headache had calmed down a little bit, but he was still holding the tissue to his forehead. Robin was helping him a little bit and hey, he wasn't going to complain. He had a stunning girl with her arm wrapped around his waist.

"Welcome to the Fortress of Barnitude!" He announced opening the door and ushering her in. Robin let out a low whistle and he smiled proudly. He was genuinely proud of his apartment. It was a representation of exactly who he was. "Y'know you should feel special, I normally don't let women in here unless they're on a sex visa."

"A sex visa?" She questioned raising an eyebrow and Barney nodded in affirmation.

"Women are illegal immigrants in my apartment." He said as if that explained everything and Robin stood there staring at him. He couldn't help but laugh at the look of utter confusion she was giving him.

"You realize this is an apartment and not a separate country?"

"Robin, Robin, Robin," he said sadly starting to shake his head before wincing at the pain.

"Hold on," she held up a hand. "We need to clean you up. You can make your speech while I'm doing that." She walked toward the sink wetting a paper towel and walking back over to him. She made him sit on the couch while she sat on the coffee table. She leaned over and started to clean off his forehead, he immediately leaned away. "Barney!" She scolded leaning forward again. As soon as she touched him again, he winced and leaned back. "Stop! It's going to get infected if you don't let me clean it."

"Fine," he huffed crossing his arms like a child.

"Why don't you tell me about this whole sex visa thing?" She suggested trying to get him to calm down. He gave her a wide smile, totally forgetting about the pain in his head.

"Well, like I said earlier women are illegal immigrants in the Fortress of Barnitude. In order to be admitted entry you must first obtain a sex visa. Sex visas last twelve hours or fourteen hours if they qualify for multiple entry," he said with a wink and she laughed. He liked that she laughed at his dirty jokes. If this was Lily she'd roll her eyes in disgust, but Robin thought he was funny. She taped a band-aid to his head, that he wasn't even sure where she got it from.

"Alright, now you should lie down. But you probably shouldn't sleep. At least not yet," she said taking a seat on the chair next to Barney.

"I can think of an activity we can do lying down where I won't be sleeping." He wiggled his eyebrows and Robin laughed again shaking her head.

"Are you ever not thinking of sex?"

"Not really," he shrugged. "So, I can't get sympathy sex out of this?" He pouted.

"No! I don't think you're really in a state to do that right now anyway."

"Fine Scherbatsky, but you're never getting back in here without a sex visa." He said with a fake pout.

"I think I'll survive." She leaned back in the chair and he scoffed.

"You haven't even seen the best part of the Fortress of Barnitude. The television!" He exclaimed grabbing the remote.

"It can't be that im-" She started to say, but stopped when the bright lights came on and the entire wall lit up. "Jesus, how big is it?" He snickered and she glared at him. He then put on a serious face ready to list off the facts of his awesome television.

"It's 300 inches. I had it sent over from Japan. I have another one in the bedroom…"

"Wow," she said gazing up at the television and then turning back at him a mock angry look on her face. "You're not getting me into bed."

"Not tonight," he added.

"Not tonight," she repeated turning away from him again.

"So, does that mean sometime in the future?"

"Never say never," she shrugged and a smile slowly worked his way onto his face. Challenge accepted. Well, he was planning on trying to sleep with her all along, but she definitely just gave him the green light. "Now lay down and be quiet." She instructed and he did exactly as he was told. He was actually listening to Robin. God, he was definitely in trouble.


	4. It's His Loss

_Yay! New chapter! This took me a little longer than I wanted it to, but oh well. I'm actually pretty happy with this chapter. I was trying to plan out the rest of this story, but it didn't work out. I know where it's going, I have no idea how long it's going to take to get there though. Anyways, I hope you liked it. Thanks for all the reviews, favorites, etc. I seriously appreciate them so much. So, comment let me know how I'm doing or if you have any requests/ideas. I'm totally open to your thoughts. _

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><p>"Robin! You've been dating a guy for two weeks and you didn't tell any of us." Lily whined from her seat on the other side of the booth and Robin shrugged.<p>

"Barney knew," she mumbled and all eyes went to the end of the table where Barney was sitting in his normal chair.

"Yes, I did. I set them up, if you must know." He said with a smug smirk on his face.

"Okay, so details!" Lily squealed looking at Robin.

"His name's Mike. We've only been going out for a couple weeks."

"So, boyfriend?" Lily asked with a smile raising her eyebrow and Robin quickly shook her head.

"No, definitely not." She didn't do boyfriends, which no one seemed to understand, except Barney. Not only did the whole serious relationship thing not appeal to her at all, but watching couples almost made her cringe sometimes. She was pretty sure if you cringed watching people in relationships, it wasn't the best idea to be in one. "What are you guys doing for Halloween?" She asked hoping it was good change of topic.

"Well, Ted and I will be going to the Victoria's Secret Halloween Party," Barney smiled proudly leaning back in his chair and Ted immediately shook his head.

"No, we're not. I'm going to the party on the roof."

"No!" Barney whined. "Not again, as your bro I refuse to let you go to that roof party again." Robin laughed as she watched Barney get more and more worked up.

"But the Slutty Pumpkin…" Ted trailed off hopelessly.

"Forget about the Slutty Pumpkin!" Barney commanded and Robin looked between the two of them, confused.

"Who's the Slutty Pumpkin?" She asked and got groans from the rest of the group, excluding Ted.

"It was four years ago and I was at the Halloween Party on the roof," he started. "Then, out of nowhere this girl in the sexiest pumpkin costume appeared." Robin almost asked how a pumpkin costume could possibly be sexy but then decided to just let Ted finish his story. "So, we're at the bar and I see her mixing…"

"Kahlua and root beer," Barney, Marshall, and Lily finished for him. Robin laughed and the rest of the group and listened to Ted wax poetic about this woman who he met once. She couldn't help but roll her eyes a couple of times throughout the story, Ted was such a hopeless romantic. She met Barney's eyes across the table and he rolled his dramatically, she bit her lower lip to keep from laughing. When Ted was finally finished with his story Robin raised an eyebrow at him.

"Wait, so you go to the same Halloween Party every year in the same costume in the hope that maybe the Slutty Pumpkin will show up? Don't you think that's a little ridiculous?" She asked turning toward him. "Especially after four years," she added after a second thought.

"Yeah!" Barney said enthusiastically. "Plus, models on a boat…"

"Guys," Ted said looking between Barney and Robin. "What if she's my future wife?"

"Don't even think about getting married until you're thirty." Barney and Robin said at the same time and then the two looked at each other horrified. Oh God, were her and Barney finishing each other's sentences? That just wasn't possible. Robin bit her lower lip and totally avoided Barney's gaze. They were both going to pretend it never happened. She hoped Lily didn't say anything about it. Although, she was sure Lily probably wouldn't. Lily wasn't exactly Barney's number one fan, at least when it came to the way he treated women. Sure, Robin had seen the way Barney treated women but it didn't offend her like it did everyone else. It was probably because she was a lot like Barney. Maybe she didn't lie to men to get them to sleep with her and then leave before they could wake up, but she wasn't exactly opposed to one night stands. She understood him in a way no one else seemed to. She knew what it was like to be so beyond screwed up you don't want to be in a relationship. She didn't know what happened to make Barney like that, but she knew it was a good reason.

After an awkward pause in the conversation Lily turned to Robin. "Why don't you and Mike double date with us for Halloween?" She paused. She didn't really want to introduce Mike to everyone. That meant things were getting more serious.

"Well, we were kind of thinking of dressing up as two naked people." She smiled pushing thoughts away with a joke. Barney smiled.

"Yeah, you were." He held out a hand and Robin slapped it.

"Please," Lily begged.

"Fine, we'll be there."

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><p>"Nice costume," Robin commented to Barney dressed to kill in his flight suit.<p>

"See, Ted. This would be a so much better costume. Why won't you just flight suit-up?" He yelled in the direction of Ted's room. Ted walked out in his signature Hanging Chad costume and Robin bit back a laugh.

"Hey Chad, how's it hanging?" She smiled.

"Word play, nice." He laughed sarcastically heading toward the door. "I'm heading upstairs." Ted announced to the room before making an exit.

"Poor Ted," Barney said shaking his head sadly at the door. "He'll never learn."

"And what exactly could you teach him?" She asked her eyes slowly taking in his costume.

"Let me tell you a little something about Halloween, Robin." He walked over to her taking a seat on the chair. She leaned forward. "Number one: it's the one night of the year women are allowed to dress completely slutty without being called out on it," he paused looking her up and down. "You are dressed nowhere near slutty enough." She laughed and rolled her eyes waiting for Barney to continue. "And number two: always have more than one costume."

"Why do you need more than one costume?"

"I'm glad you asked." He smiled. "Because if you strike out with the hottest girl at the party the first time, you can come back in a new costume and it's like you never even hit on her. Halloween is the best day of the year."

"Halloween sucks," she said leaning back against the couch.

"What?" He asked in shock.

"It's just a bunch of idiots dressing up like someone they're not."

"Man, who killed Halloween for you?"

"What?" She asked looking over at him.

"Someone obviously ruined it for you," he said sadly. "What a shame. You'd make a really good slutty…" He trailed off in thought before shrugging. "You'd make a good slutty anything. Let me know if you want a costume. I've got a guy for that." He smiled widely as Lily came out of the bedroom dressed as a parrot and Marshall as a pirate. "Well, I regret to inform you that my presence is requested at the roof. I'm going to see if I can convince Ted to go to the party. Barnacle out!"

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><p>Robin was confident that this was the most awkward dinner of her life. She didn't want to be a 'we'. It was never part of her plan and forcing herself to try to be a 'we' wasn't working either. She liked Mike, she genuinely did. But he was just another Ted, maybe not as extreme but still another Ted; another guy who wanted to wear matching Halloween costumes and share dessert and feed each other. She didn't want it. And she couldn't stand the way Lily and Marshall kept looking at her. It switched between complete discomfort at the current double date they were on and pity for Robin at not being able to handle an adult relationship.<p>

She glanced over at Mike as he passed the dessert bowl back to her. She took her scoop and stared at the dish. She didn't want to share desserts for the rest of her life. She couldn't pretend she could do this, because she couldn't. She quickly ate the rest of the ice cream as Marshall and Lily looked between her and Mike uncomfortably. She shifted in her seat. The way they were looking at her made her feel like she was wired the wrong way. But she couldn't make herself want the things everyone else wanted and she couldn't pretend that the thought of becoming a 'we' didn't freak her out beyond belief.

"I think I'm going to take off," Mike said sliding out of the booth and Robin quickly followed them.

"I thought we were going back to my place?" She asked confused. She had to act like half of a perfect couple all night, she should get something out of this. He shook his head.

"Look, Robin. This clearly isn't working out…" He trailed off awkwardly and her jaw almost dropped. They were breaking up? Well, that would teach her to never attempt to be the perfect girlfriend again. Although, she didn't really succeed in being the perfect girlfriend, she actually sucked at it. A lot. It wasn't that she was selfish, she was just set in her ways.

"Are we breaking up?"

"No," he said slowly and Robin's eyebrows creased in confusion. Then what point was he trying to make? She opened her mouth to ask, but he interrupted her. "I'm breaking up with you." He corrected and then walked away. That stung. She leaned against the bar quickly ordering a scotch and taking a sip. She couldn't handle the pitiful looks she was once again getting from Marshall and Lily. She wished them a quick good-bye and went to the roof. She hoped Barney was still up there. She really needed some mindless conversation. As soon as she pushed the door to the roof open, she was greeted by Ted who gave her a small smile.

"Slutty Pumpkin didn't show?" She asked rubbing his arm sympathetically. He shook his head.

"Nah, but it's okay. We obviously weren't meant to be," he shrugged. "Barney's still out there, if that's who you were looking for." He gestured to the roof and she gave him a thankful smile. As he turned to walk down the steps, she called out to him.

"You'll find her one day, Ted."

"Thanks, Robin." He managed a smile as she walked out onto the roof.

"Scherbatsky!" Barney greeted enthusiastically from his spot in the corner.

"Hey," she smiled sliding down the wall next to him. "Didn't make it to the Victoria's Secret party?" She asked with a laugh.

"Unfortunately not, Ted seems to be going through a quarter-life crisis. I didn't want him to do anything dramatic, y'know?" He asked trying to downplay staying at the roof party.

"You're a good friend, Barney." She smiled patting him on the thigh.

"A day in the life of a bro," he shrugged and then his eyes lit up. "This is so going in my blog!" Robin laughed at his antics suppressing an eye roll. "Hey, what happened to Mike and your naked costumes?" He asked suddenly.

"Oh," she sighed leaning her head against the brick wall suddenly remembering why she came up here in the first place. "We broke up."

"Finally realized you were way too awesome for him?"

"No, he dumped me." She mumbled trying to convince herself it wasn't a big deal. It's not like she was upset about losing Mike, because she could care less about that part. Sure, she liked Mike but it's not like there was an empty space in her life now or something. It just sucked not wanting what everyone else wanted. She tried to want marriage and kids, but every time she just ended up feeling suffocated. She was sick of being alone though. She wished that being in a couple didn't come with so many strings. She didn't want to be in another version of Marshall and Lily. She needed a guy who understood that and it didn't seem like any did. God, when did men become such women?

"Wow, what an idiot." Barney said.

"What?" She asked confused after being pulled out of her thoughts.

"You're not actually upset about this, are you? You could do way better than that guy." She quickly shook her head. She didn't need Barney to make fun of her for being a woman about this.

"No, it's just," she sighed turning her body toward his. "Do you ever feel like you were wired wrong?" He raised an eyebrow in question and she continued. "Everyone else is falling in love and dressing up in matching costumes and being all cute. And I don't want that. I _want _to want that, but I just can't. What's wrong with us?"

"Nothing," Barney said quickly turning to face her as well. "There's nothing wrong with us, we're awesome just the way we are." Robin raised an eyebrow skeptically thinking about how she just got dumped and Barney smiled slightly. "If that Mike guy doesn't realize how awesome you are, then it's his loss."

"Really?"

"Would I lie to you, Scherbatsky?" He smirked. "C'mon, do you know how long it took me to find a decent laser tag partner? Or a good wingwoman? Plus, you're hot. One day a guy is going to realize that you, Robin Scherbatsky, are a rare find and he's not going to let you go even if he thinks you're wired wrong. Which you're totally not," he quickly added.

"Thanks Barney," she smiled leaning closer to him.

"Anytime," he flashed his signature smile and before Robin could even think about what she was doing she kissed him, a real kiss. She knew it took Barney by surprise because it took him a minute to respond. He pulled her in closer letting his fingers run through her hair. She knew if she really thought about it, she would know it was a bad idea, but right now all she wanted to was kiss Barney. Kissing Barney was a crazy idea in itself. She saw how he was, especially with women, but she couldn't help it. He was different with her than he was with everyone else and right now she wanted to kiss Barney, so she was going to keep doing just that.


	5. The Perfect Woman

_Eh, this chapter was shorter than I wanted it to be but I really was lacking inspiration. There are so many people who have been commenting/alerting/favoriting this story and I have to admit it makes me a little nervous. I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations. Thanks for all the support and keep them coming. Thank you, guys!_

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><p>"What are you doing on Thursday?" Barney asked taking a sip of his drink. He and Robin were hanging out in the booth, as per usual. Ted and the Marrieds had already gone home a couple hours ago. He wondered how he managed to live in this group before Robin. Ted, Marshall, and Lily sometimes acted like this exclusive three person club just because they went to Wesleyan together. Lame.<p>

"Thursday?" Robin questioned looking at him. "Nothing, why?"

"Because it's Thanksgiving!" He said in a 'duh' tone. He watched realization dawn on her.

"Oh sorry, I forgot. Real Thanksgiving happened in October." She smiled and Barney balked at her.

"Real Thanksgiving? Did you just call Canadian Thanksgiving real Thanksgiving, seriously?" Robin shrugged and blew away a strand of stray hair. He resisted the urge to tuck the strand behind her ear, because he didn't do things like that. 24 days, that's how long it had been since he kissed Robin. They didn't talk about it, they didn't even mention it. It was like some silent agreement between them. That night on the roof was the one and only time, which wasn't okay for how much he had been thinking about it. She was just always there in the back of his mind. Whenever he kissed another girl all he could think was that it wasn't as good as Robin. He hated it. Never in his entire life has a woman driven him this insane and she didn't even do it on purpose. He shook his head not allowing his thoughts of Robin to go any further. "What do Canadians even have to celebrate?" Robin opened her mouth with a quick retort, but then shook her head.

"No, I'm not going to get into another Canada argument with you. Canada's far superior, anyway."

"Please," he waved his hand dismissively. "Saying Canada is superior is like saying I'm the president." He paused and quickly shook his head. "Actually, that's almost accurate, but I don't want to talk about work." Robin shot him a look, so he continued before she could ask any questions. "Saying Canada is superior is like saying Ted gives good fashion advice."

"Really?" She asked raising an eyebrow. "I don't think wearing a suit 24/7 constitutes as good style or fashion sense."

"That is blasphemous!" He yelled slamming his glass down for effect. "How dare you say anything bad about suits." Robin rolled her eyes.

"Jeeze, you don't have to be so dramatic about it." She chuckled lightly. "For what it's worth, you do look pretty good in a suit." She winked and just like that his heart rate sped up. God, Robin was going to be the death of him and she had no idea what she did to him. He rolled his eyes and quickly played it off.

"Enough of this nonsense," he said looking at her, ignoring the small twist his stomach did when she met his gaze. "Thanksgiving," he prompted bringing them back to their original topic.

"Well, I didn't even go home for Canadian Thanksgiving so, I'm obviously not going to be seeing my family." Barney resisted the urge to ask her about her family. From the couple of times she mentioned them, he knew it was a sore subject. He wanted to know more about it for genuine reasons, not to prey on her insecurities. That worried him a lot, he never wanted to get to know anyone, much less women. He sighed, he just kept thinking in circles and it needed to stop. If he told himself he didn't care about Robin as anything other than a bro, then eventually it would be true.

"Good, because you'll be spending the day with me."

"Do I have a say in this at all?" She asked running her finger along the outside of her glass. Barney shrugged.

"It's really up to you, but spending the day without me would be decidedly less awesome."

"Okay," she finally agreed. "What are we doing?"

"My normal Thanksgiving routine," he said not offering further details. He was a man of habit and no one, not even Robin, would change his tradition. But he had to admit he was worried if he told her what exactly his average Thanksgiving entailed, she'd be less than thrilled to go with him.

"And that would be…?"

"Ah ah ah, I'm not going to tell you that easily. You'll just have to come with me and find out." He smirked. Robin was awesome, he couldn't even try to deny that at this point, but he wasn't sure she was awesome enough to come to the Lusty Leopard with him voluntarily, so he would just trick her into going with him. Problem solved. Hopefully she wouldn't be too angry with him, but he didn't see that happening. "I'm sure you'll find it a satisfactory way to spend your day." He assured her. He really hoped she would. He didn't open himself up like this. He knew Ted, Marshall, and Lily would feel bad for him if they knew what he was doing on Thanksgiving. Ted, in an attempt to be a good friend, would invite him to Cleveland and he didn't want to have to reject that offer. "Now, time for my holiday drink," he smiled sliding the glasses from the corner of the table. Robin eyed him curiously as he pulled out the boullion cube.

"But Thanksgiving is on Thursday…" She trailed off raising an eyebrow. He sighed and shook his head sadly.

"Robin, you can never celebrate too early. Now, Thankstini time!" He announced plopping a cube in their drinks. "It's potato vodka, cranberry juice, and a boullion cube." She hesitantly took a sip and gave him a small smile.

"Hmm," she said taking another sip of the drink. "It's like Thanksgiving in my mouth."

"That's the point!" He exclaimed with a wide smile. She laughed shaking her head.

"Thursday is certainly going to be interesting…"

"Oh, of course it is." He said with a twinkle in his eye.

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><p>Barney pounded on the door to Robin's apartment at 8 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. He had a feeling Robin was still sleeping, so he knocked louder. He heard the lock turn and smiled when Robin swung the door opened. He kept the smile on his face even when she glowered at him. "It is 8 o'clock in the morning."<p>

"Yeah, we have to get an early start. C'mon big day!" He clapped his hands and tried to enter the apartment but Robin wouldn't move. He let his eyes quickly take in her sleeping attire, but quickly his eyes drifted back to her face before she could notice. "Wouldn't want to miss the first stop, Scherbatsky. Now scoot!" He gently pushed her aside and closed the door behind him. "You have 20 minutes." He said sitting down on her couch and turned on the television. Robin stood there staring at him before quickly springing into action. He was amazed when she was completely ready almost 15 minutes later. That was the fastest he'd ever seen a woman get ready.

"Let's go," she instructed grabbing her purse and slipping on her coat.

"You're ready?" He questioned disbelieving. It took most women he knew longer than that to take a shower much less get completely ready. Not to mention she looked great.

"Do I look ready?" She raised an eyebrow opening her door. He nodded and followed her out the door.

"I've never seen a women get ready that fast." He commented as they got into the cab. She shrugged.

"Well, I don't think you've seen many women get ready. Normally you're gone before that happens." She smirked and he couldn't help but laugh. He loved that she didn't hesitate to insult him or comment on his promiscuous lifestyle. "But I'm relatively low maintenance." He wanted to say that he was pretty sure she could have no make-up on and still be the most beautiful woman he's ever met. Ugh, that thought just made him want to gag. Damn Robin and her stupid woman parts. "Where are we?" She asked bringing Barney out of his daze as the cab stopped.

"We're volunteering!" He cheered getting out of the cab. Barney held the door open for Robin, even though it was against the Bro Code to do so, but there were always exceptions. Actually, there was always one exception and it was always the same: unless she's hot. And Robin was definitely hot. They entered the soup kitchen and Barney led Robin to the front where he normally worked, serving the food.

"Barney!" Kendall, the man in charge, called after him. He watched Robin's eyes widen as she realized he did this regularly. He put on a self-satisfied smirk and turned toward Kendall. "You know we don't let rookies on the front lines." He said turning his gaze toward Robin.

"She's cool," he assured. "I'll train her personally." Barney smiled and without waiting for Kendall's response took Robin's hand (ignoring the way his hand tingled when it touched hers) and took her to where they served the stuffing.

"I never pegged you as a volunteer man," Robin commented dishing out a spoon of stuffing.

"Are you kidding? I love volunteering." He enthused, conveniently leaving out that it was actually community service. "It gives me a soul boner." Robin let out a half-laugh half-snort, that he couldn't help but think was adorable.

"And here I thought you were all evil."

"I am disappointed that you thought of me like that, Scherbatsky. Always give the bro the benefit of the doubt."

"I'll remember that, Barney." She smiled scooping out another spoonful. They spent another couple of hours there and as they were getting ready to leave Barney was reminded why he was there in the first place.

"Barney, do you need me to sign your timesheet?" Kendall asked walking over to them. Barney quickly pulled the paper out of his pocket and handed it over to get signed.

"Wait a minute," Robin said putting a hand on her hip. "No one else here has a timesheet." She pointed out as she reached for the timesheet that Kendall had handed back to him. He tried to pull it out of her grasp but she already had too tight of a hold. "You're on probation?" She questioned incredulously trying to hide a laugh. "Barney, what the hell did you do?"

"It wasn't fair!" He whined taking the paper back and stuffing it back in his pocket.

"What happened?" She asked again when he neglected to answer the question. He shifted nervously and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I peed on the judge's church." He mumbled.

"Public urination? Really?" She laughed loudly. "Who gets arrested for public urination?"

"Can you not tell everyone else about this?"

"Oh, I'm so going to use this for future blackmail." A wide smile spread across her face and Barney pouted.

"Didn't the volunteering combined with the loveliness that is Thanksgiving soften your heart even a little bit?" He asked desperately.

"Nope, I'm going to hold onto this little story." She smirked as the cab took them to their next destination.

"Fine," he grumbled. "Now, I don't want you to knock this place before you try it. Plus, the buffet is good and really cheap too." This was probably Robin's final test. She was awesome at laser tag, she liked scotch, she hated commitment, and she was a great kisser. If she was okay with the Lusty Leopard, then she might in fact be the perfect woman. And honestly, until he met Robin he was positive the perfect woman didn't exist. He was nervous about how he would proceed if she was perfect. What could he really do? It's not like he could settle down. No, Robin would just be forever his bro.

"The Lusty Leopard?" She mused as the cab stopped. "Are we at a strip club?" He grinned wickedly when they walked in and she looked around taking everything in. She glanced at the strippers who were dressed as pilgrims and Indians and nodded approvingly. "Festive," she commented and he almost did a spit take.

"So you're okay with being here?"

"Why not?" She shrugged. "I mean, it's kind of a depressing place to be on Thanksgiving but hey, the food looks pretty good." Barney had to restrain himself from actually telling her that she was by far the most awesome person he ever met. He bit his lip, he knew that wouldn't be a good idea. They loaded up their plates with food and took a table on the far side of the stage. "This is delicious." She commented taking a bite of the turkey. "Who knew strip clubs had good food?" He laughed and shrugged taking a bite of his own food. "Do they always have food?" She asked leaning back in her chair. "Because if they do, I'm definitely going to have to come here more often."

"Well, I come every Tuesday and Saturday and sometimes in between." He laughed. "You're welcome to join anytime."

"Only if there's food," she said sipping her drink. "I don't want to watch some girl give you a lap dance."

"Awh, are you jealous?"

"No," she laughed loudly shaking her head. "It's just not really anything I need to see."

"Understandable," he shrugged glancing up at the stage before turning his attention back toward Robin. Normally, this was his favorite activity of the day but for some reason he really wanted to just hang out with Robin. So, he took a deep breath deciding this was the best course of action. "Hey Robin, do you want to come back to my place?" He asked, holding his breath and anxiously awaiting her answer.


	6. We're Really Doing This

_Hey, guys! I didn't mean for this to take so long to update, but my computer broke so I had to get a new one. On the plus side I now have a Mac! Super exciting. Anyways, I don't know how I feel about this chapter. It's definitely not one of my favorites. I rewrote it a couple times and this was the first time I was relatively satisfied. It was also a lot shorter than I wanted it to be, oh well. It's more the ending I'm unsure of, I don't know. Let me know you think, though. I seriously need your feedback. Thanks for all the feedback so far though. This is my most favorited/alerted/reviewed story so thank you guys so so much! I appreciate it. Thanks!_

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><p>"What are you up to, Stinson?" Robin asked raising an eyebrow.<p>

"What on Earth makes you think I'm up to something, Scherbatsky?" He feigned innocence reclining in his chair. She watched him trying to detect any type of insight into his thoughts. He kept bouncing his left leg up and down and she could tell he was slightly nervous. She figured the only way to find out why he invited her over was to actually go over.

"Fine, let's go." She shrugged and Barney threw a couple of dollars on the table following her out. They were halfway out the door of the club when a thought popped into her head and she stopped suddenly. Barney crashed into her and she swayed. He grabbed onto her waist in order to prevent her falling over.

"Thanks," she mumbled giving him a small smile. She ignored the way her skin was buzzing slightly where Barney's fingers were. He didn't pull away and neither did she. She momentarily forgot the entire reason she stopped so short.

"Gotta give me a little warning next time." He laughed reluctantly putting his hands back at his sides.

"I'm not entering your apartment on a sex visa." She said, finally remembering what she wanted to say to him.

"Sorry," he shrugged with a wide smile. "That's the only way in."

"But you invited me over." She reminded him.

"Right and you accepted, therefore implying that you intend to enter on a sex visa."

"How does that imply anything?" She asked raising an eyebrow at him. She couldn't, for the life of her, figure out Barney Stinson. Sometimes he acted like a nervous teenage boy in front of her and then other times he was this sexy and confident man.

"Robin," he said rolling his eyes. "You wouldn't agree to go to the airport intending to travel to Canada," he spit out the country's name in disgust. Robin glared at him, but he didn't seem to be affected. "If you didn't have your passport on you, would you?"

"Of course not," she scoffed not entirely following Barney's line of questioning.

"Lawyered." He smiled satisfied and pushed past her to get them a cab.

"Alright, number one: only Marshall can say 'lawyered' because he is, in fact, a lawyer. And number two: what?" She asked still completely confused.

"You wouldn't agree to go to Canada without a passport, just like you wouldn't agree to go to the Fortress of Barnitude unless on a sex visa."

"No!" She yelled vehemently climbing into the cab behind him. "No, Barney."

"I'm sensing we're not on the same page with this whole sex visa thing…" He smirked trailing off.

"Barney," she sighed shaking her head. She had been trying not to think about Barney in that sense lately. It was just trouble, because all it did was lead her back to the Halloween kiss. The Halloween kiss was a good kiss, actually, it was an amazing kiss. She might even go out on a limb and say it was one of the best kisses of her life. But it was Barney and therein laid the problem. She couldn't risk developing any type of serious feelings for Barney, especially considering he was basically a male version of her with even less of a willingness to commit. She and Barney got along really well, he was pretty much her best friend and she really didn't want to risk that. Dating friends never worked out in the past, so why would it now?

"Robin relax," he laughed resting his hand on her knee. "You're the only woman allowed in my apartment on an awesome visa instead." He winked at her and she felt her heart rate speed up slightly. No man had ever had this kind of affect over her before and of course, it was the one man she couldn't have for so many reasons. It didn't matter, though. She wasn't going to develop feelings for Barney out of the blue, that just didn't happen.

"An awesome visa, huh?" She asked trying not to notice the tiny disappointment she felt when he pulled his hand away.

"Yup," he nodded. "You're the first woman I've met that's been worthy of an awesome visa, though." She ignored the slight butterfly feeling in her stomach after that statement and instead settled on nodding her head.

"So, what are we going to do?" Robin asked following him into his apartment and taking a seat on his couch.

"Wanna watch a movie?" She shrugged.

"What do you have?"

"Well this," he pointed flipping a light switch, "is my wall of light up porn."

"Classy," she commented walking over to him.

"And over here are my real movies." He lead her over to the other side of the living room.

"Did you have your apartment designed to ward off women?" She asked looking around.

"Yes!" He yelled, his eyes lighting up. "Do you want a tour?" She wasn't entirely sure she wanted a tour. She was a little scared about what else the so-called 'Fortress of Barnitude' could hold. His wall of light up porn told her enough.

"Sure."

"Alright, the tour will begin in the kitchen. In each room you will find specific features, which are designed to drive away any members of the opposite sex. Although, the kitchen doesn't really have any of those but I think the lack of food and a real stove is enough." He shrugged leaning against the counter.

"You don't have a real stove?"

"Nope," he smiled kicking the piece of cardboard that was his 'stove'. "I had one at some point but I never really used it. Onto the bedroom!" He announced and she quickly followed. "Now, as you can see my bed holds only one pillow and a blanket large enough for just one person. This lets women know they're not welcome to spend the night."

"Does that really work?" She asked unbelieving.

"Not normally. They take it as an invitation to cuddle." He shuddered, but quickly recovered. "So, I kindly suggest they go to the bathroom and that normally does the trick."

"What's in the bathroom?" She could hear the fear in her own voice. She didn't know what was coming next and she had to mentally prepare herself for it. She knew she had her issues, but they weren't anywhere near this bad. She really wanted to know what turned Barney into this, what made him so afraid of commitment.

"There are a couple of interesting features in the bathroom. One towel," he pointed toward the towel. "No hair dryer and the toilet seat is especially interesting."

"I don't think I even want to know."

"Awh, Robin, don't be a party pooper. The toilet seat will only stay down if continuous pressure is applied." He smiled demonstrating.

"Barney, this place is ridiculous."

"Ridiculously awesome," he laughed. She didn't even know what to think. It was almost kind of sad that he went to lengths this great in order to get rid of women.

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes wandering back over to where the movies were. "Terminator?" She called back to him over her shoulder.

"You want to watch The Terminator?" She nodded pulling it off the shelf and tossing it to him. "How are you even real?" They watched the entire movie with a couple comments here and there, but mostly silent.

"So you seriously root for Arnold Schwarzenegger the entire time?"

"Of course, who else would I root for?" He asked dramatically.

"I'm not even going to respond to that."

"C'mon Robin, you've got to admit that a little part of your heart hurts when his little red eye flickers off." He shook his head, sniffling.

"Barney," she said sympathetically placing a hand on his arm trying to hide her laughter. "Do you need a minute?"

"Just hold me," he cried. She reluctantly wrapped her arms around him and absentmindedly ran her fingers through his hair. She was pretty sure he was just trying to get closer to her, but she couldn't bring herself to care. If she did sleep with Barney (and that was a very big if, at least she told herself it was), then she slept with Barney. She had a feeling that if (when) this happened, it would be one of the best mistakes she ever made, especially if his kissing is any kind of indicator. She almost wanted to talk herself out of it, because she was friends with Barney. She genuinely cared about him and she was worried that no matter what happened one of them would get hurt somehow. She really needed to stop overthinking everything. She didn't used to do this.

"You okay, Barn?" She asked pulling away from him before she could do anything she regretted.

"Dammit!" He groaned when she pulled away. "The sad man's play didn't work."

"That was a routine? How often do you use that?"

"Well, this was my first try. The directions state that the play must be used on a woman bro and since you're my first, I've never used it before. I was so sure it would work!" He exclaimed falling back against the couch, defeated.

"Did you really think I was stupid enough to fall for that play?" She could see right though him. She was pretty positive it was a play, it wasn't difficult to figure out. Some dumb bimbo at the bar would fall for it, but she was smarter than that.

"No, but I thought you'd go with it." He thought she'd go with it? Why on Earth would he think that?

"You thought I'd go with it?" He rolled his eyes at her and turned so he was facing her.

"Clearly we're both attracted to each other." He said. She almost opened her mouth to object, but it was useless. Of course she was attracted to him, most of the female population was. "And that kiss on Halloween was kind of great."

"Kind of?"

"Alright, it was really really great. Look, what I'm trying to say is we're both attractive and we get along really well and neither of us are looking for a commitment right now. We obviously have great chemistry and I think we can use that to our benefit." She was going over what he said, trying to figure out what exactly he meant by using it to their benefit. He was right about everything else though, they did make sense. It made sense to use this to their advantage somehow.

"You mean like, friends with benefits?" She asked and he nodded excitedly.

"Kind of, we don't have to label it, but you've got the right idea. I knew you were smart, Scherbatsky. So, what do you think?" She thought about it, really thought about it. There didn't seem to be any drawbacks that she could think of. If it was honestly just friends with benefits or meaningless sex with no label, then neither of them would get hurt because it would just be sex.

"It sounds good to me. I think we need some rules though." Barney leaned forward intrigued.

"Rules?" He asked curious.

"Yeah, so we know what's allowed and what isn't. For example, no going to brunch unless one other person is present," Robin suggested grabbing the pad of paper and the pen sitting conveniently on the table and jotting it down.

"Robin, brunch is never cool." They were both silently contemplating what else to write down. "No cuddling!" Barney announced and Robin quickly wrote it down. Ugh, cuddling. She hated clingy guys, especially the ones who tried to cuddle while they slept. She liked her breathing space.

"No spending the night." She wrote down. That one could land them in some risky situations. Waking up in the morning with someone else in your bed was always extremely awkward and she never wanted to go through that situation with Barney.

"No telling anyone, especially Lily. She would kill us." Robin laughed in agreement while jotting it down. They both looked over the list. "Alright, I think this is good for now." She shrugged tossing the paper down on his coffee table. "If at any point one of us wants to add a rule we can."

"So, we're really doing this?" She laughed and nodded. She honestly couldn't believe it either. It seemed like it was a little bit risky, but she and Barney were both good at not letting emotions get involved in relationships. She also wasn't all that concerned with either of them developing feelings. She attributed all of the things that happened between them so far purely to their chemistry and sexual tension. If either of them were going to develop serious feelings for each other, it would have happened by now. They'd known each other for months now and feelings didn't just pop out of nowhere, right? Of course they didn't. She and Barney would be fine. It's not like anything could possibly go wrong. It was just some simple meaningless sex between friends. Something inside her told her that there was no way that was possible, but she ignored the voice and turned to look at Barney. He also seemed to be deep in thought. She was starting to get worried when he wiggled his eyebrows and smiled widely. "Wanna go try out my bed?" He asked holding his hand out to her. She grabbed his hand and let him lead her to the bedroom. Yeah, this was going to work out just fine.


	7. She Literally Walked Out of His Dreams

_Okay, I know the timeline is a little wonky because Robin fell into poop during Return of the Shirt, but I got this idea and I couldn't pass it up, so forgive me? I also seriously considered rewriting the last chapter and changing the ending, but no one complained and I didn't hate it that much. I just wanted to say that you guys are seriously wonderful and every review makes me smile. Thank you so much for everything. I hope you continue to like the story. Let me know what you thought of this chapter!_

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><p>"Robin! Robin! Robin!" He yelled bursting through the doors of MacLaren's. He gave Ted a cursory nod and turned his attention toward Robin. "Robin!" He repeated excitedly, bouncing in his seat like a child. Robin and Ted shared an amused glance and then she looked at him.<p>

"What's up?"

"Laser tag tournament. Saturday afternoon. You and me," he said taking a dramatic pause in between each phrase.

"Alright," she shrugged. "Guess I can cancel my hot date."

"You had a date?" He asked trying to not let any emotion betray him. It had been two weeks since they had created their little arrangement. They hadn't been apart much, of course he went home with other girls occasionally, but it wasn't like he was going to do much better than Robin, so why bother? They didn't break any rules yet, which almost surprised him because he already wanted to break most of them. He wanted Robin to spend the night. He almost called Robin and invited her to brunch the other day. And dear God, Barney Stinson wanted to cuddle. He WANTED to cuddle. He had to push away the urge to pull her into his arms. Of course, he didn't do any of these things because he was too awesome for any of it, but just the fact that he had thought about it. He was not Ted in any kind of way and he wouldn't allow himself to fall for a woman, even Robin Scherbatsky. Although, if he was being honest with himself he was already falling for Robin, he just couldn't admit it yet.

"Yeah, it wasn't a big deal. Some guy Lily set me up with, but I didn't really want to go, so now I have an excuse not to." She smiled and Barney tried really hard to ignore the way his heart skipped when she smiled. They sat there for awhile and made mindless conversation with Ted about some girl he was seeing. Barney pretended to check out the women at the bar and Robin shot him flirtatious smiles whenever Ted wasn't looking. "Hey Ted, check out that ten at the bar." Robin said gesturing with her chin. Barney wanted to disagree and almost opened his mouth to say that girl wasn't even a nine, much less a ten. Robin gave him a discreet wink and pulled Ted by the arm toward the bar. He watched as she tapped the girl on the shoulder and pushed Ted forward. "Haaaave ya met Ted?" She smiled and walked away heading back to Barney.

"As much as I love Ted, I'm kind of glad you got rid of him." He grinned and slipped his shoe off. His foot trailed up her thigh and she gave him a warning glance, but couldn't hide the smile that crept onto her face. His foot when up even higher and she glared at him.

"Barney," she whined. "I have to leave for work in, like, 15 minutes."

"Quickie in the bathroom?" He suggested. She rolled her eyes and tried to look annoyed.

"No," she sighed. "I can't right before work. I'll meet you after, though? Unless, you find something better here…" She said biting her lower lip. He could tell she was a little unsure of herself and he felt relieved. He didn't want to be the only one with emotions involved. He was hoping that once he slept with Robin a couple more times, he would get the feelings out of his system. It worked every other time, the only difference here was that Robin was actually his friend not just some girl in a bar, but that seemed like a minor detail.

"Robin," he said gesturing to the room around him. "Does any girl in here look hotter than you?" Robin opened her mouth, but Barney quickly shut her down. "No, there isn't one. Meet me at my place."

"Why do we always go to your place?" She asked sipping her beer.

"Because my place is awesome," Robin scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Hey, once you get a 300 inch television we can go to your apartment."

"It's not like we ever watch anything." She argued crossing her arms.

"Uh, two days ago we watched Field of Dreams!" Barney defended.

"Yeah and it sucked." He gaped and she couldn't hold back a laugh at his face.

"I can't believe you didn't like Field of Dreams."

"It's about ghost baseball players," she reasoned. "Honestly, once is more than enough."

"Just when I thought your only 'but' was being Canadian…" He said sadly shaking his head.

"It's a stupid-" She started and then gave him a harsh glare. "My 'but'? What the hell are you talking about? I don't have any 'buts'." He placed his clasped hands on the top of the table and donned a serious expression.

"Robin, every woman has at least one 'but', it's just a matter of if you can get past it or not." He explained.

"Being Canadian is not a 'but'." She quickly objected.

"Well, you have to have one and that was the only thing wrong with you until you decided Field of Dreams was awful." He sniffed dramatically. "It hurts to even say the words."

"It was a movie about ghost baseball players!" She yelled getting the attention of everyone in the bar. Barney concealed a laugh and Ted stared at them for a couple seconds before making his way back over to the table.

"Are you guys talking about Field of Dreams?" He asked looking between the two. Ted was clearly worried about getting in the middle of a serious argument and Barney thought Ted's hesitance to comment was hilarious. Barney was pretty sure Ted was a little bit scared of Robin, not that Barney could really blame him. Robin was basically anti-Ted in every sense and could hold her own in any argument. It was amusing to watch Ted even attempt to argue a point against her.

"Robin hated Field of Dreams." Barney informed Ted before taking a sip of his beer.

"I did not hate it. I just thought it sucked and was not worth a second viewing." She clarified trying to be angry with him. Ted opened his mouth to speak, but she shut him down almost immediately. "Nope," she shook her head. "I am not arguing with you about a stupid movie without a plausible premise. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go report on pointless things that nobody cares about." She grabbed her purse and stood up giving them both a wave and a smile. "I'll see you later," she winked as he took a sip of his drink and he almost spit it out, but instead settled for choking on it. Robin smirked at him and left the bar.

"So, what's up with you and Robin?" Ted prompted as soon as the woman in question was gone.

"Nothing," he said nonchalantly and Ted nodded.

"Okay, good, because I wanted to talk to you about something," Ted said hesitantly, but Barney wasn't paying attention. His mind was still on Robin, which was definitely becoming a problem. "Barney," Ted repeated trying to get his attention.

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind if I asked Robin out?" Barney was glad he hadn't taken a sip out of his beer because he definitely would've spit it out after that question. Ted and Robin? No, no, no. They didn't fit together at all. Like he said earlier, they were literally complete opposites. Why would Ted want to ask her out?

"No, of course not. Why would I mind? Pffft, you and Robin would make a great couple." He said quickly, probably too quickly. He was overselling Ted and Robin and he was sure Ted could see right through him.

"So you're totally fine with me asking her out?" Ted pressed.

"Yeah," his voice went up a couple octaves higher than he would have liked, but he didn't bat an eye. Maybe, if he acted cool enough, Ted would let it go.

"Barney, cut the crap."

"What on Earth are you talking about Ted? You requested permission to ask out one of my best bros, which was totally unnecessary, and I gave you the permission. Why are we still discussing it?" Barney took comfort in the fact that when Ted finally asked Robin out, because it would take him forever, she would say no. Robin had been very vocal in her disgust toward Ted in any type of romantic sense. Of course, he noticed that they seemed to be pretty good friends, but being friends and being in an actual relationship were totally different things.

"Because you like Robin," Ted explained to Barney as if he were a child.

"I do not like Robin." He said in what tried to be disgust, but came out sounding like complete denial.

"Look, even though Lily's worried to leave you alone with Robin for anymore than five minutes-"

"Five minutes is plenty long enough if you know what you're doing, Ted." Barney interrupted, but Ted ignored the interruption and continued.

"I think you guys might be really cute together."

"Cute!" He spit out. "Theodore Evelyn Mosby, The name Barney Stinson will never be used in the same sentence as that offensive word. I can't believe you would describe two people, who you claim to be friends with, as cute. I am truly truly offended. I can't even sit here with you anymore. I'm disgusted." He shook his head and stood up, leveling Ted with a glare. "Disgusted!" He yelled one more time before stalking out of the bar.

Once he was safely on his way back to his apartment, he tried not to think about the incredibly close call he just had with Ted. So what if Ted thought he had feelings for Robin? It's not like it was true. Sure, Robin was hot and liked laser tag and cigars and she could handle her scotch and laughed at his jokes, but it wasn't like he had actual feelings for her. He tried to clear his head, but it wasn't working so instead he turned on the television and quickly flipped to Metro News 1. He was only watching it so he could keep his eyes pealed for anything that he could potentially make fun of her for later.

He almost flipped the television off when the story was about some old man who drove a carriage around the city. He felt bad that this was her job, because he knew she was better than it and she deserved something better than it. He watched her continue the interview and let the world know that she took pride in her job. He wondered what brought about that revelation, considering she was complaining about how much her job sucked a couple of days ago. He picked up the remote, finally deciding to change the channel, but before he could Robin slipped and fell out of the carriage. He was torn between cringing in embarrassment for her and wanting to go back and record it for YouTube. He wondered if she was still going to come over. He wouldn't exactly blame her for wanting to go home and hide her face after that.

Barney contemplated going back out and finding someone else to take home, but the idea didn't really appeal to him. He decided to just stay at his apartment and hope Robin would show up. He was surprised when there was a knock at his door an hour later. He flipped the television off and went to answer the door. He tried to keep a straight face when he greeted Robin on the other side, but he couldn't.

"Hey Scherpoopy," he laughed and she glared in response.

"You saw it?"

"Yeah," he nodded sadly moving aside so she could enter the apartment.

"God, I don't think I've ever been this humiliated before."

"Tell Uncle Barney about it." He consoled opening his arms to her. She wrinkled her nose at him.

"You seriously have to stop referring to yourself as male family figures. It's creepy." He rolled his eyes, but conceded.

"Fine, but I'm offering you a hug here and I rarely do that. I thought you'd at least be gracious and accept." She laughed and walked into his arms. He ignored how perfectly she seemed to fit there and he ignored how good her hair smelled. Smelling a girl's hair was a definite no-no. "Man, did you even shower? You still smell." She huffed and pushed him away.

"Yes, I took like six showers before coming over here. That's why it took me so long. But thanks again for laughing at my humiliation."

"Sorry, Scherbatsky, but you have to admit it's a little funny." Robin shook her head.

"No, it's not funny and it never will be funny. There's never going to be a day where you say 'hey Robin, remember that time you fell in horse shit?' and I'll laugh." He let out a small chuckle. "It's not funny!" She whined sitting down on his couch. "Not to mention, falling out of carriage that's three feet off the ground onto pavement hurts."

"Alright, in all seriousness, are you okay?" He asked putting on his concerned face.

"I'm fine."

"Look on the bright side, at least you have a good clip to add to your reel."

"Hah hah, you're so funny." She grumbled sarcastically. "Do I seriously still smell like poop?" She asked sniffing her arm.

"Eh a little," he lied. "But I have pretty wonderful shower. I'd be happy to join you and make sure you're really clean."

"Alright," she smiled for the first time since entering the apartment and heading toward the shower. As soon as the door to the bathroom closed, he pressed Robin against it. "I don't think for a second that I still smell." She informed him, his lips inches from hers.

"Really?" He questioned moving closer to her. She didn't respond and instead pulled him in for a kiss. She made quick work of unbuttoning his shirt and he undid the zipper on her dress.

"Nope," she said pulling away. "But who passes up shower sex?" This time he couldn't help the wide smile that spread across his face. Sometimes he swore Robin, literally, walked out of his dreams.


	8. Living in Denial

_Yay, new chapter! I have to admit I really love this story. It's so nice to write Barney and Robin without all of the complications the writers have thrown at them the last couple of years. Thank you guys so much for all the positive feedback! Your alerts and reviews are part of what inspires me to keep writing, so seriously thank you and keep them coming! Oh and check out my other stories!_

_Also, I want to address a review I got for the last chapter from bookworm1137. To be completely honest I've never seen Field of Dreams, I know I really have to! But I literally know nothing about it other than what was mentioned on HIMYM and that Kevin Costner is in it. But from the way you described it I'm going to say your headcanon is absolutely right on haha. __I don't think it's you being a stickler, it's just me not knowing what I'm talking about(:_

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><p>"So," Robin said conversationally sliding in the booth across from Barney. So far, they were the only two here. Everyone else was running late at work. "Are you going to be at this wedding on Saturday?" She sipped her drink. Barney choked on his drink slightly and looked over at her.<p>

"You're going to the wedding?" She nodded.

"Ted asked me to be his date and I couldn't say no." She confessed. She said no, at first, but Ted guilted her into it. He had finally gotten her to agree by mentioning the open bar and the free food. Plus, Barney would be there so maybe he could entertain her. Although, she was sure weddings were prime places for Barney to run his schemes and get women into bed. She ignored the little bit of jealousy she felt at the thought.

"T-ted's your date?" He asked resting his arm against the back of the booth.

"Yeah, I guess Mr. Optimistic checked 'plus one' months ago when he sent his invitation in and he never found a date." Barney scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"A rule to live by," he said leaning forward. "Never bring a date to a wedding." Robin would never admit it to anyone, but she actually enjoyed Barney's rules. Sure, she rolled her eyes with everyone else but she always listened and normally his rules made a lot of sense.

"I could tell Ted I changed my mind," she offered. She didn't really want to go, she hated weddings and she didn't even know these people.

"Nah," he said waving his hand. "You can help me score, you're a good wingwoman. Besides Ted will just find another girl to invite and she'll annoy me. I'd rather have you there." She felt oddly flattered by that. It was kind of a backhanded compliment, although she knew Barney enjoyed her company. They were together at least five of the seven days of the week. They always saw each other on Fridays and Saturdays but went home with different people, at least Barney did, normally.

It's not like she didn't try, because she did. She went out on dates, she brought men home, and she called them back. But Barney Stinson had found his way into her brain and she thought about him way more than was acceptable. She knew she was starting to gain genuine feelings for him and it was definitely scary. The last time she had feelings like this was when she was a teenager. She knew that spending 70% of her time with him wasn't the way to get rid of her feelings, but she figured if she just slept with him a few more times, the feelings would maybe go away. Okay, maybe it wasn't the most logical idea ever, but she didn't have a better one.

"Where is everyone?" She asked as she stirred her drink with her straw.

"Why? Are you uncomfortable being alone with me?" He asked cocking an eyebrow and she shrugged.

"I'm alone with you more than I'm comfortable with."

"Was that an insult?" He asked and his eyes studied her.

"It's open to interpretation."

"Wow, you really don't want to have sex tonight."

"Please," she laughed. It occurred to her that she was spending so much time with Barney she was actually starting to sound like him, and she didn't think that was a good thing. "There are plenty of guys who will go home with me, even if you won't."

"Maybe," he agreed. "But they won't give you The Barnacle lovin'."

"Oh my God," she gagged. "I don't even think I can speak to you after that sentence." She picked up her purse and started to scoot out of the booth.

"Robin," Barney whined grabbing her arm from across the table. "Don't leave me." He pouted. She wasn't actually planning on leaving, but Barney's sad face was probably the most pathetic thing she had ever seen in her entire life. All he had to do was make that face at a woman and she wouldn't be able to say 'no' to him.

"Fine," she grumbled feigning annoyance and threw her purse down. Barney smiled widely, he clearly knew exactly what he was doing to her and it drove her crazy. She wanted to hate him for so many reasons, but she just couldn't.

"Alright," he said after a few minutes of looking around the bar. "Are you coming home with me tonight or do I have to try and decide which of these women I want to take home?"

"I don't know. There are some pretty good-looking guys here tonight." She smirked and smiled at a guy across the bar. Honestly, none of the men could even come close to Barney, but she had to at least make him work for it a little.

"Scherbatsky," he sighed. "Why do you hate me so much tonight?"

"Aw, you know I could never hate you." She smiled patting him on the cheek.

"Y'know, we probably have enough time…" He trailed off wiggling his eyebrows.

"No! Marshall and Lily will be here soon and Lily can see right though me."

"Inappropriate public sex, just one time. That's all I ask!"

"We did it the other day at that antique shop." Robin reminded him crossing her legs.

"But not at MacLaren's."

"Barney, we know people here." She scolded. "If we get caught-"

"That's where the adventure is!" He interrupted her bouncing in his seat.

"I swear sometimes you're like a child." She would never admit it but that was one of the things she loved about him. Whoa, loved? No, one of the things she liked and not in a like like way, just in a normal friend way. Oh God, she really just needed to stop thinking about Barney all together.

"Hey guys!" Lily greeted walking over to them with Marshall in tow. Robin smiled at them as Lily took a seat next to her and Marshall sat across the booth next to Barney. "Sorry we left you alone with Barney so long." Lily apologized.

"Yeah, I hope he didn't hit on you too much." Marshall joked and Barney snorted into his drink. Then, Robin glared at him from across the table and kicked him. Lily looked between the two and finally settled her gaze on Barney.

"What happened?"

"We had sex in the bathroom." Barney informed them smirking.

"Barney!" Robin and Lily yelled at the same time. Robin shifted uncomfortably in the booth and Lily tried to level him with her glare.

"Robin has too much class to ever do that with you." Lily said wrinkling her nose and Robin could feel her cheeks turning several shades of red and Barney coughed to conceal a laugh.

"Really? Because she didn't seem to mind it last night at my apartment." Robin kicked him so hard he let out a little whimper.

"Please tell me he's kidding." Lily said grabbing her arm and turning to face her. "Robin! Tell me he's kidding."

"He's kidding, don't worry." She assured her friend sending Barney a subtle glare. "Anyway," Robin said effectively ending the conversation. "Lily, I need you to come dress shopping with me."

"You know I'll never say no to shopping, but why?" Robin opened her mouth to answer but Barney beat her to it.

"Ted," he spat out. "Invited her to Stuart and Claudia's wedding." He sounded disgusted, but she wasn't sure why. Was it because Ted was brining a date? Or was it because she was Ted's date? She wasn't that oblivious, she knew Barney was at least a little uncomfortable with it. He had stuttered when she told him and she knew what that meant. She just didn't know how jealous he was, because he seemed fine when she went on dates. Maybe it was just because it was Ted. If she wasn't careful and she blinked she could end up married to Ted with kids in the suburbs. Ted was like that and Barney was probably worried she would end up like that, which would never happen. Besides, Ted wasn't really her type.

"Oooh," Lily cheered clapping her hands. "So, you and Ted?"

"No, no, no, no, no." Robin laughed shaking her head. God help her if she ever dated Ted 'marriage is my middle name' Mosby. "He just needed a date." She explained quickly.

"But you guys would be cute!" Marshall sighed pouting at her and she rolled her eyes ready to tell him why that would never happen.

"No!" Barney yelled. "Ted and Robin are just- no!"

"Barney," Lily chastised startled by his outburst. "What's your problem?" Barney sank into the booth and didn't meet anyone's eyes.

"I don't want my two best bros getting together. Who would be my wingman and woman, then? Plus, you guys know Ted. She'd probably be married before she could even process what was going on. Then, I'd have to find new friends." Barney seemed so distressed that Robin almost felt bad for agreeing to be Ted's date in the first place. He clearly had some deep-rooted abandonment issues, she wasn't sure why but she still felt bad. She reached across the table and grabbed his hand comfortingly.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to marry Ted." She rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb and he looked over at her with a small genuine smile on his face. This was probably the most emotion she'd seen from Barney since she met him all those months ago. It just surprised her that this emotion was coming out in MacLaren's in front of their other friends. She knew the other three in the group severely underestimated Barney and she hated it. Just because he slept with different women every night (although that was becoming more rare these days) didn't mean he lacked real feelings. A lot of times they used Barney as a bit of a punching bag; they made fun of him and rarely took him seriously. She didn't know if it bothered Barney, but it definitely bothered her. She realized she was still holding Barney's hand when she looked over and Marshall and Lily were staring at them. She quickly dropped it and brought her hands back to her side of the table.

"So, shopping tomorrow after I'm done with school?" Lily asked finally breaking the slightly awkward silence that filled the table.

* * *

><p>"I like that one." Lily suggested gesturing to the red dress.<p>

"Yeah, I think that's the one I'm going to get." Robin mumbled looking over each dress she tried on.

"Barney will love it." Robin's eyebrows creased in confusion as she turned to Lily.

"Barney? I'm going with Ted." She laughed putting a couple of the dresses back on the rack.

"Robin," Lily said rolling her eyes. "You have feelings for Barney."

"Lily, that's ridiculous." Robin said ignoring her friend and instead focusing on the dresses.

"Last night at the table you held his hand for five minutes. You like him." She insisted.

"I held his hand because he seemed genuinely upset." Lily nodded as if she was actually listening.

"Then what was with all the sex jokes?"

"It's Barney," Robin explained rolling her eyes. "Barney always makes sex jokes."

"Yeah, but you were blushing."

"Lily," she sighed rubbing a hand over her face. "I don't have feelings for Barney, just drop it."

"Fine, but if you do and I'm not saying you do. But if you do have feelings for Barney, be careful. He's not exactly the safest guy to fall for and I don't want you to get hurt."

"I don't have feelings for Barney," Robin mumbled grabbing the red dress off the rack. She didn't have feelings for Barney. She just liked having sex with him and spending time with him, he was funny. They were friends. That was it. Neither of them was going to fall in love or accidentally fall into a relationship. They weren't those people. They would keep doing this friends with benefits thing until they got bored of each other and then they'd go back to being bros. No harm done. She didn't know why Lily was so concerned. She was Robin Scherbatsky, she could handle herself and she would not get her heart broken, especially not by Barney Stinson.

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><p>"Barney!" Robin yelled knocking on the door to his apartment. She knew it should probably be cause for concern that the doormen recognized her enough to let her up without question.<p>

"Hey," he smiled widely opening the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood. Bad time?" She asked trying to see around him. She hoped he didn't have some bimbo up here because that would be awkward. She was a little concerned about coming here without notice, but she was literally right at his apartment.

"No," he said stepping aside. "I thought you were shopping with Lily?"

"Already done," she held up the dress in her arms and then threw it on one of his armchairs.

"Did you just miss me that much that you had to come over here?" He smirked walking toward her.

"You know me so well." She laughed running her fingers of the lapels of his jacket. "Are you going to the bar tonight?" He shrugged caressing her side.

"Are you?"

"I don't think so. I don't need another Lily interrogation tonight." Barney laughed, the side of his eyes crinkling.

"Lily interrogated you?"

"Yes, apparently you made one too many sex jokes last night. She was suspicious." Robin rolled her eyes. "All your fault, Stinson."

"Is there any way I can make it up to you?" He asked tucking some strands of her hair behind her ear.

"I think we can arrange something."

"Excellent, but first dinner."

"Maybe dinner is how you can make it up to me." She smiled letting her fingers slip between the buttons of his shirt.

"Please Scherbatsky, you are way too smart, not to mention dirty, to choose dinner."

"I am not dirty!" She immediately defended.

"Hey, it's a compliment. I like women who like it dirty." He laughed.

"Whatever Stinson. I'm hungry, let's go." She said grabbing him by the tie and pulling him toward the door.

"I love it when you take control."

"Shut up," Robin laughed pulling the door open. That night when Barney paid for dinner and then they went back to his apartment; Robin had a really hard time trying to remember all the reasons she shouldn't continue this with Barney. That was the night Robin realized she was getting close to falling for him, especially when Barney barely glanced at another women the entire night. Having all of Barney's attentions specifically on her was an intense thing. She knew it was dangerous. She knew the longer she did this with Barney, the higher the chances were that she would get hurt, but it was too hard. So, she would continue to live in denial and pretend Barney didn't mean anything to her. She would ignore the way she got butterflies in her stomach every time Barney came around and she would continue to ignore the way her day didn't seem complete when she didn't see Barney. He was just a friend and that's all he ever would be. Right? Right.


	9. Falling in Love

_Okay, so I finally know exactly where I'm going with this story, which is exciting because before I was really just writing with no definite plan...I hope that wasn't too obvious? Haha. But I definitely know what's going to happen next now and I'm super excited to get it out. I literally just want to write the rest of the story now, which is totally unrealistic. Oh, well. I want to thank you guys once again for all your feedback, it really does help me write, especially when you tell me what you liked and didn't so thanks, once again! Oh and on a side note, I don't know when Robin had that conversation with her father in Last Words, but I'm just going to throw it in here._

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><p>"Ugh," Barney grumbled when he woke up. He noticed he was exceptionally warm, warmer than normal. He cracked an eye open and noticed a sleeping woman, her head was resting on his chest and their legs were intertwined. He also had his arm wrapped around her holding her close to him. He panicked for a second and tried to figure out the best way to get the girl out of here. He normally made such an effort to go to the girl's apartment so he could sneak out easily. That's when it clicked. This wasn't a random girl. Who was he kidding? He hadn't slept with a random girl in almost three weeks (a thought that scared him immensely).<p>

This was Robin. And as soon as he realized it was Robin, all the panic fled his body, which also terrified him. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to push her away or pull her closer. While option one seemed like the smarter one, he wanted to choose option two. He figured they had already broken the no cuddling and no sleeping over rule, why not milk it for all it was worth? So, he did something supremely un-Barney and pulled Robin closer before drifting back to sleep.

The next time he woke up he was noticeably colder and the bed was missing one of the previous occupants, Robin. He jumped out of bed and hoped, for once, that the woman he spent the night with was still there. He didn't want Robin to runaway from him. He padded out to the main area of his apartment, including the living room and kitchen, and found Robin searching the cabinets. She smiled when she noticed he was there.

"Good morning," she greeted. "I'll get out of your way soon." She promised and he quickly shook his head.

"You don't have to leave." He assured her. "I mean, normally women have to leave, but you're different."

"Well, I never thought I'd see the day." Robin said dramatically walking over to him. "But I do need food and you don't have any of that, so Mr. Stinson I better be on my way."

"I don't normally do this, but would you do me the honor of accompanying me to breakfast?" She laughed and rolled her eyes at him and he couldn't even try and hide the smile on his face.

"I only see one problem. It's 10:30, which makes it brunch time. I believe that's one of our rules." Robin reminded him.

"Yeah, but so is no cuddling and no spending the night. We've just broken both of those rules. Why not be daredevils?"

"Oooh, you know I've always had a soft-spot for bad boys." She joked.

"Well then I'm perfect for you." He threw an arm around her and steered them back to the bedroom to get ready. If he was going to be completely honest with himself, then he genuinely believed that he was perfect for her. And that was what really scared him. Barney's problem thought there would never be a person who would make him want to be monogamous. It wasn't a matter of if he could do it, because he knew he could. But after Shannon, he truly believed there wouldn't be anyone for him. Of course he didn't want to put his heart on the line, no one wanted to get hurt. But honestly, there was never a woman that genuinely made him want to change. At least before Robin there wasn't and he had no idea how to proceed. Obviously, neither of them was good with commitments and relationships and maybe this was where they needed to be now, because neither of them were ready for a different alternative.

* * *

><p>They went to some brunch place near his house. He passed it frequently on his way to work, but never had a reason to go in there. They didn't want to go anywhere they could possibly be seen by their friends and this place seemed safe. Robin rolled her eyes when he ordered an egg white omelet and turkey bacon.<p>

"Hey, the Barnman doesn't get this body from eating pancakes and maple syrup." He said condescendingly, a smirk playing on his lips.

"I'm Canadian, what more do you want from me?" Barney attempted to wipe the smirk off his face the entire time they were eating. He had never seen a woman attack food the way Robin was eating her pancakes. "Stop looking at me like that." Robin instructed between mouthfuls.

"Like what?" He raised an eyebrow.

"That judgy 'Canadians are crazy' look."

"I don't think you're crazy." He said calmly when Robin finally put her fork down. "But you've got some syrup," he gestured to his face. She picked up her napkin and quickly swiped at her face. "You missed it," he laughed reaching across the table and gently wiping it off for her. Barney paused and awkwardly cleared his throat and Robin took a sip of her drink, both trying to ignore how weird that was. "So, MacLaren's?" He suggested once they were back on the street.

"Barney, it's not even noon yet."

"It's five o'clock somewhere." He muttered under his breath. He needed a drink. Badly.

"What do you normally do on Saturdays?" Robin questioned curiously as the wandered around the city.

"I, uh, I go visit my mom." He admitted sheepishly stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Really?" He nodded. "I never pegged you for a family man."

"Well, my mom doesn't really have anyone and my brother doesn't live as close as he used to." He explained.

"That's really sweet, Barney." She smiled and he felt his cheeks heat up slightly. He couldn't believe he met a woman who actually made him blush. Everyday Robin Scherbatsky surprised him in a new way.

"Hey, do you want to come with me today? We won't be there long." He tried not to let the nervousness show in his voice. He wanted his mom to meet Robin. And even though his mom wasn't the best judge of character, she did know what made him happy. He looked over at Robin, who was searching his face. He didn't know for what, but she must have been satisfied because a moment later, she nodded.

"Sure," she smiled.

"Really?" He asked surprised.

"Why are you so shocked? You know I don't have any plans today. Marshall and Lily are off celebrating their anniversary." They both scoffed. "And God only knows what Ted and Victoria are doing."

"I'm never going to forgive you for introducing them." She rolled her eyes.

"I didn't introduce them. I met her in the bathroom."

"Yes, but you told Ted she made the cake, which led him to the bakery, which helped him find Victoria again, which turned them into the worst couple ever. Robin, they're worse than Marshall and Lily!" He exclaimed.

"Well, I'm sorry." She humored him, wrapping her arm around his waist and using her other arm to pat him lightly.

"You should be."

* * *

><p>"We're here!" He announced opening her car door for her.<p>

"This is where you grew up?" She looked around in interest and he nodded. "I always pictured you growing up somewhere extremely dysfunctional."

"You haven't been inside yet." He commented and knocked on the door. Robin stood awkwardly behind Barney.

"Are you sure I should be here?" She asked quietly.

"Relax Scherbatsky, I invited you."

"I know, but I feel like I'm in-" Robin stopped talking as soon as the door swung open.

"Barney!" His mom greeted with a smile pulling him into a hug. "And who is this?" She asked looking over Barney's shoulder.

"Oh, mom, this is Robin." He grabbed Robin's arm and moved her closer to them. "Robin, this is my mom, Loretta."

"Hi," Robin said shaking his mother's hand.

"Oh, hello. You know, Barney has told me so much about you!" Loretta said excitedly ushering them into the house.

"Mom!" Barney whined and Robin smirked at him.

"Oh, he has?" Robin asked, intrigued.

"Yes," Loretta said with a wide smile. "Ever since he met you, all I hear about are your adventures together."

"Mom!" Barney said again, louder this time and Loretta stopped talking.

"I'm sorry, dear. It's just been so long since you've brought a girl around. Not since Shannon," she said thoughtfully. Barney placed his head in his hands wondering why he thought it was a good idea to introduce Robin to his mother.

"Who's Shannon?" Robin voiced and Barney sent his mom a look. He didn't want Robin to know about Shannon, he didn't want anyone to know about Shannon. No one knew now and he was determined to keep it that way.

"Oh, just one of Barney's old girlfriends." Loretta said with a wave of her hand. Robin looked at Barney questioningly, but he avoided her gaze. "Who wants lunch?"

"Actually, we just ate not that long ago."

"Okay, I'm going to go whip something up for myself. Why don't you give Robin a tour?" She suggested with a smile heading into the kitchen.

"Oooh, do I get to see Barney Stinson's childhood room?"

"If you're lucky," he grabbed her hand and pulled her up from the couch, putting his arms around her waist and pulling her close.

"Barney! Your mom's in the next room." She whispered.

"Please, my mom doesn't care what we do."

"Well, I care what we do. I don't want your mom to think-" Barney cut her off.

"You care what my mom thinks? Scherbatsky! That's so cute." He smiled. He couldn't believe Robin actually cared what his mom thought of her. Maybe, he wasn't the only one with feelings invested…maybe Robin felt the same way? He quickly dropped the thought. That kind of thinking would only lead him to dangerous territory. "Now, do you want to see my room or not?"

"You are being very forward." She said feigning shock.

"I don't think it's forward after what we did last night." He growled.

"Barney!" Robin yelled and hit him on the chest.

"Let's go, Scherbatsky." He laughed, grabbed her hand, and led her up the stairs. He paused for effect before he slowly opened the door.

"Wow, you were a nerd growing up." She slowly looked around the room.

"Hey! I didn't have many friends growing up. I kind of lived up here." He defended with a pout.

"You used to not have many friends?" She questioned. "I don't see it."

"Well, okay I did have some, but a lot of people didn't like me because I was so good at everything I did." He shrugged and Robin raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Seriously! I couldn't be on the basketball team because I was too good. I made all the other kids jealous."

"I don't believe that. No coach turns down a good player. Trust me, I played on the boys hockey team until I was fifteen."

"The boys hockey team?" He asked and walked around the room opening his closet.

"My dad wanted a son. He had to settle for me." She explained and dug through one of his desk drawers. "So, yeah the boys hockey team." And there was another reason he and Robin got along so well, daddy issues. They both had them, they both refused to talk about them.

"When was the last time you talked to your dad?" Barney questioned, curious to know a little bit more about her family life.

"A couple of years ago," she shrugged. "It was my birthday. God, I was so excited he called on my birthday I didn't even care what he had to say." She shook her head and stared up at the ceiling. Barney turned to her.

"What did he have to say exactly?" He asked urging her to continue. He knew she needed to get some of this out and she wouldn't have started talking if she didn't and he wanted to be there for her.

"He was angry because I still haven't gotten anywhere. He said he hoped he could stop telling his friends I was in a coma soon." He kept quiet and took a seat next to her on the bed. After hearing Robin talk about her dad, he was almost glad that he had never met his own. He never had to worry about being good enough, because he had no one to be good enough for. His mom loved him and that was all that mattered.

"That's got to suck." She shrugged.

"You get used to it after awhile and it doesn't matter as much." He nodded, even though he didn't buy it for a second. Robin wanted her father to be proud of her, as much as she tried to hide it. "I think your mom said something about wanting to play cards." Robin said quickly standing up.

"Robin," he followed behind her.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore." She said effectively ending the topic of conversation.

"Okay."

"Did Barney give you a nice tour?" Loretta asked suggestively. Barney and Robin both blushed and shook their heads.

"No, no, no, no, no, no. Barney and I aren't like that. No." Robin giggled and it was obvious she was lying.

"We didn't do anything, Mom." He glared at her and took a seat next to her on the couch and shuffled the cards. He caught Robin's eye across the table and smiled. Never in his life, at least not after Shannon, had he imagined he'd be here. He never imagined being able to sit and play cards with a woman and his mom. It never was in the cards for him, but somehow here he was. Doing one of the things he agreed to never do, falling in love. He was falling in love with her. There was no denying it or trying to hide it. It was obvious. He was falling in love with her and it scared the shit out of him.


	10. A SelfPreservation Thing

_Eh, I don't know how I feel about this chapter... I rewrote it a couple of times and this was the closest I was to being satisfied. But I hope you guys liked it! Let me know what you think and thanks for all your feedback (reviews, alerts, etc.)_

_Oh, and if you happened to check out my new story_ (**Right Place at the Right Time**_) I know I originally said I thought I was going to leave it as a one shot, but I got some inspiration so look out for a continuation of that. Alright, I'm done talking. You guys are awesome, as always!_

_Disclaimer: Yeah, I obviously don't own How I Met Your Mother or the characters or the lines I obviously stole from the episode 'Game Night'. _

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><p>He could feel his throat start to close up as soon as Lily mentioned Shannon. When she pulled out the videotape, he started to panic. He didn't want anyone to see that tape. To say it was one of the most embarrassing moments of his life would be an understatement. After he destroyed the tape and walked back into the living room, he could feel Robin's gaze on him. He knew he was going have to explain everything to her later, but then Lily flashed another tape. The real tape. And he felt a rush of dread flow through him. There was no way he could stop them from seeing it. As soon as the picture popped up all of his friends started laughing, except for Robin, and he hated it. He hated that they seemed to think he was some caricature, that he didn't have real feelings. He sighed and grabbed his coat heading directly for the door. They could laugh at him all they wanted when he was gone, but he didn't need to stick around for this.<p>

"Barney," Robin called out and quickly caught up to him in the hallway. "You okay?" She asked concerned.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. There's just something I need to do." She nodded hesitantly, but still let him go. He knew he shouldn't do it. He knew he should leave the situation be and not visit Shannon, but he had resources and he could find her. He quickly made a couple calls and had her address in under ten minutes. His mind was going a million miles a minute. It was too many emotions for one day and he didn't know how to deal with it. He was bad with emotions. Barney was also awful at thinking things through and he definitely wasn't thinking about all the possible consequences that going to Shannon's could have.

When Barney was finally in front of her door, he realized he had no idea what to do. He didn't know what he was supposed to say. He had never been in a situation like this before, granted he put himself in this situation but it was still nerve-wracking. He knew he could still walk away if he wanted to and leave Shannon in the past, but for some reason he knocked. He could hear footsteps making their way to the door and he almost ran. He was glancing down the hallway to see if he had enough time to make it, when the door swung open.

"B-b-barney?" Her eyes were wide with shock and he nodded hesitantly. Suddenly, he felt like the vulnerable 23-year-old who had his heart shattered by this woman. But then he reminded himself he was Barney Stinson. He was Barney Stinson, he was Barney Stinson, he repeated like a mantra.

"Hi Shannon," he said flashing her a slight smile.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, the complete confusion showing on her face. That was a good question. A question that he hadn't known the answer to when he knocked on the door, but he knew now.

"Just listen," he mumbled holding up his hand. Even though it had been years and he was a completely different person now, he was still nervous and he hated that she had the ability to make him feel that way. "When you left me for that guy Greg, it changed me. Now, I'm this." He gestured to his suit. "I-I-I know this is crazy, it's just you were once such a big part of my life and it just seemed insane that you didn't know who I am now. So, here I am." He took a deep breath after his speech and for some reason it felt like a weight being lifted off his shoulders. She smiled and stepped aside.

"Do you want to come in?" He knew he should say no, he knew what going inside would lead to, but he went in anyway. The first thing he noticed were the toys strewn all around the room. Shannon was a mom? She must have known what he was thinking because she quickly explained. "I have a son named Max." Barney nodded and took a seat on one of her chairs.

"Where is he?" He questioned staring at his feet. He may have gotten over their relationship, but he knew he didn't want to meet her kid. Her kid that easily could have been his and it was just way too much to think about.

"He's with his dad." She said picking up a couple of toys. "After we broke up, I dated Greg for a few months, but it didn't work out and not long after that I met Max's dad." He nodded and played with his tie because he couldn't wrap his head around this. He was sitting here having a completely civil conversation with Shannon about their lives and it was so strange. Neither of them were the people that they used to be, that much was evident. They continued to talk about their lives, who they were then and who they are now.

He wasn't surprised when he ended up in Shannon's bed. He knew what he was doing when he came over here, he knew the night would probably end like this. He started redressing almost immediately after. "I have to go." He told her with a smile. "But I'll call you tomorrow?" She nodded and entered her number in his phone. He knew she expected a call because the Barney she knew would have called. And he knew that this Barney wouldn't call. He felt a little guilty, at first, but then he remembered why he was who he was and he didn't feel so guilty. He walked outside, breathed in the fresh air, and hailed a cab. He gave the cabbie the address for MacLaren's and leaned back, mentally preparing himself to face the group again. He knew they would have a million different question, but now he was prepared to answer all of them because at least at the end he could say he finally nailed Shannon. He was walking up to the door of the bar when another wave of guilt hit him for an entirely different reason.

Robin.

It was stupid to feel guilty because they agreed they were just friends with benefits, but he knew, they both knew, they were more than that. They hadn't spent a night apart in almost two weeks, meaning Barney hadn't slept with another woman in two weeks. They had been getting into dangerous territory, a messy territory with feelings. And he thought maybe that was half the reason he slept with Shannon, to ruin whatever was going on with Robin. It was a self-preservation thing. He was going to hurt her, before she could hurt him. And of course he knew it was wrong because, honestly, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Robin, but in the end all that mattered was that he was able to protect himself.

He grabbed an extra chair and took his normal seat at the table, completely avoiding Robin's gaze. He knew she knew what happened as soon as he sat down. Robin was smart, plus they'd been spending enough time together recently that they could both read each other remarkably well.

Barney knew the exact moment she figured out he slept with Shannon. Her body tensed up and she turned away from him. He tried to convince himself that that didn't hurt at all, but dammit it did. Instead of thinking too much into it though, he turned to the rest of the group ready to regale them of the tale of the night. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation before launching into the tale. When he was done, Lily's and Marshall's mouths were dropped open in shock, he figured they were probably surprised he was once more Ted-like than Ted was. Victoria was nodding politely at all the right places. Ted was staring at him with a look that was somewhere between bewilderment and amusement. And Robin had suddenly found the table very interesting. He didn't spend too much time studying her, he was getting over her, he reminded himself. He didn't care what Robin thought. He capped off his speech talking about his almost brush with parenthood in a serious tone letting out a whine.

"Hey, come on." Lily smiled reaching across the table to touch his arm. "I mean, just because her life went one way and yours went another doesn't make your life any worse." She said sympathetically and he looked over in surprise.

"My life rocks!" He grinned widely. "Money, suits, and sex. These are tears of joy. I could be cooped up in some tiny apartment, changing some brat's poopy diapers, but instead, I'm out in the world being awesome 24/7, 365." He looked up at the ceiling with a smile. "You let me dodge a bullet, Big Guy." Then, he faced the group again. "Plus, here's the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry, on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life. After Shannon and I talked, I nailed her!" He cheered and internally cursed himself for how enthusiastic that sounded. Robin completely deflated next to him and fell against the back of the seat. If he had had any doubt this would hurt her before, he now knew for sure. He was catching glimpses of all kinds of emotions in Robin's eyes, but the primary one was betrayal. And for a minute he couldn't even remember why he slept with Shannon, why he wanted whatever was going on with Robin to fail so spectacularly. Because sitting next to her right now, all he could feel was pain and guilt for hurting her. Sure, he could tell himself all he wanted that he didn't feel anything for Robin, but the truth was he did. And it was a lot of something, after all it drove him to do crazy things, like sleep with Shannon.

Self-preservation, he reminded himself, swallowing the guilt and forcing a smile back on his face.

"Nope, sorry, don't buy it. You're making it up." Lily said and he almost took it back. He almost told her she was right, he didn't sleep with Shannon, but he didn't think it would fix anything at this point. "You're just trying to cover the fact that you had a profound moment of doubt about yourself." And he was so close to telling Lily she was right, but he couldn't do it. He was still Barney, after all, and he didn't do feelings. So, he smirked and grabbed his phone quickly pulling up the video he took that night of him and Shannon. Everyone else at the table looked at it interest, but Robin's glare at the table intensified and he knew he was rubbing salt into her metaphorical wound. He couldn't sit here anymore. He couldn't continue to do this to Robin. It was killing him just as much as it was killing her. He pocketed his phone and stood up.

"Ladies, gentlemen, Ted," he said returning to his old defense mechanism of humor. "This has been a wonderful evening. Peace out, hombres." He flashed them peace signs and made his way out of the bar. He knew he wasn't going to go home yet, he wasn't ready to be alone with his thoughts. Instead, he hailed a taxi and went to a different bar. He proceeded to get incredibly drunk. Hey, at least alcohol stopped him from thinking about Robin and Shannon and feelings and how he fucked everything up by one stupid decision.

If he wouldn't have slept with Shannon, his and Robin's story could've been a lot different. They would've continued their friends with benefits thing a few more months, before the feelings were so strong even Barney and Robin couldn't deny. They would settle into some sort of relationship, he would stop sleeping around and she would actually commit. Eventually, they'd move in together and maybe even one day they would get married. But Barney did sleep with Shannon and that threw a loop in the entire plan and he hated himself for it. He let his face fall into his hands and he knew he was on the verge of completely wasted because he was thinking about marriage and monogamy. He groaned and stumbled out of the bar. If he drank anymore tonight, he was seriously going to hate himself in the morning.

Somehow, he ended up at Robin's apartment. He couldn't really remember how he got from the bar to her apartment, but he was too tired, not to mention drunk to really think about it. He knocked on the door and wondered if she would even let him in. "Hey," he smiled his most charming smile, but Robin looked less than impressed.

"What are you doing here, Barney?" She asked tiredly and scrubbed a hand over her face.

"I don't really know." He slurred and he saw realization dawn on her face.

"How much did you have to drink?"

"A lot," he stumbled a little trying to find his footing again. Robin sighed and grabbed him by his arm to prevent him from falling over. She led him to the couch where he collapsed with a huff.

"You can stay here tonight." She picked up a stray blanket and covered him with it. His eyes closed almost instantly. "Goodnight."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly before he was completely asleep. He was aware that he probably wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow morning, but he wouldn't be able to say this once he was sober. He could hear Robin sigh from the other side of the room.

"Don't worry about it."

"It was-I just- I didn't want to get hurt." He finally mumbled barely above a whisper.

"It's fine, Barney." And he could tell by the way her voice cracked that it wasn't fine and he should worry about it, but his drunk brain was too slow to process what was happening. If he was sober, maybe he still could've saved everything and lived happily ever after with Robin. But he was too drunk and she was too upset, so she closed the door to her bedroom and he snuggled deeper into her couch. He would let future Barney deal with the fallout.


	11. Love Sucks

_Ugh, sorry this chapter was so short but I've been super busy lately and I figured a short (and not very good) update was better than none at all? I hope it wasn't too bad haha. And thank you guys all so much! Your reviews seriously mean so much to me! And I just wanted to thank you for all the feedback on this story!_

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><p>Robin was used to waking up in awkward situations. There were plenty of one-night stands that didn't end soon enough. She knew how to deal with a strange man in her bed. She could handle that. But nothing prepared her for waking up with a hungover Barney on her couch. She froze in the doorway and briefly went over her options. The way she looked at it, she had three options: 1. Get dressed and leave before Barney woke up, 2. Wake Barney up and get him out of the apartment quickly, or 3. Let him sleep and see what happened when he woke up. She sighed letting her forehead fall against the wall. Right now, option one seemed like the best option. She quietly tiptoed across the floor into her bathroom making as little noise as possible.<p>

She wiped her hand over her face and groaned. She didn't know why she let Barney stay at her place, she could have easily put him in a cab. He would've found his way eventually.

Except she wasn't stupid, Robin knew exactly why she didn't send Barney home last night. She cared about him, in a genuine, maybe more than friends way. And it hurt like hell that he slept with Shannon. It's not like she was mad, honestly, she didn't really have a right to be mad. Their arrangement was a casual one and it was open. Sure, she hadn't been sleeping with anyone else, but the same didn't apply to Barney because he was, well, Barney. She took a deep breath and made her decision. She would tell Barney he had to leave, because she had somewhere to be. She was going wedding dress shopping with Lily later anyway, so it wasn't really a lie. She got dressed quickly and quietly, careful not to wake Barney up. She didn't want to have a longer conversation than was already going to be necessary. Once she was dressed, she gently shook Barney's shoulder. She hoped he would still be hungover enough that he wouldn't question anything or try to have a conversation.

"Barney," she said quietly and waited for him to respond. He opened his eyes and blinked several times. "I'm heading out, just so you know." She gave him a small smile and was out the door before he could respond. She would talk to him later. She sighed and rubbed a hand over her face making her way outside. She checked the time and decided to go to MacLaren's instead of up to the apartment. If she went up to the apartment she would have to talk to Marshall and Ted, which she wasn't in the mood for at all, as much as she loved the boys.

When Robin entered the bar she noticed Victoria already sitting in their normal booth. She gave Victoria a small smile and took a seat across from her. She had heard horror stories of Ted's past girlfriends, but she genuinely liked Victoria and hoped she'd stick around. "Okay, ladies!" Lily cheered all but running into the bar. "Time to go, my appointment is in 20 minutes and we can't be late." Robin rolled her eyes, but followed Lily with Victoria trailing them. Robin had a feeling that when Lily finally got down to really planning her wedding, she would be the biggest bridezilla ever. And that was a day Robin really wasn't looking forward to.

"Sorry you got roped into this." Robin smiled at Victoria while Lily was trying on dresses.

"It's not a big deal. I like shopping."

"Yeah, but you could be spending the day with Ted." Robin explained. Although, she has no idea how anyone could spend as much concentrated time with Ted as Victoria did, they seemed to be really into each other. Robin loved Ted, sure, but spending a couple of hours with his corrections and (most of the time) his pretentiousness got to be a little much. Victoria shrugged.

"And you could be spending the day with Barney." Victoria smirked as Robin choked on the champagne she was drinking.

"What?"

"Marshall and Ted are too blind to notice and I think Lily is just trying to convince herself nothing's going on, but as an outside observer I notice things."

"What kind of things?" Robin asked trying to keep her voice in an even tone.

"You always sit next to each other," she started. Okay, that was true. They did. But it was mostly because that was the easiest way to play under the table games. "Barney gets upset whenever you so much as look at another guy." That one was not true. She had never noticed that. Robin opened her mouth to tell Victoria, but she continued. "And I saw how upset you looked after the Shannon fiasco last night." Victoria said with sympathy in her voice.

"It's nothing." Robin sighed taking a big sip of her drink.

"Look, Lily's going to be back there for awhile. As an outside party, I'm free for advice." She offered.

"I just-" Robin paused trying to figure out how to word her thoughts. "We get along so well and I've never met anyone who's understood me like that, y'know?" She had no idea why she was pouring her heart out to Victoria, almost a total stranger, but here she was. Victoria nodded.

"That's how it is with me and Ted." She smiled sadly.

"Wait, what's up with you and Ted?" Victoria bit her lower lip and played with her hands in her lap.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Robin nodded. She was an excellent secret keeper, mostly because she didn't talk about feelings or anything of the sort. Ever. But still, she was a damn good secret keeper.

"I was offered a baking fellowship in this amazing place."

"That's great!" Robin wished she had half as much with her success as Victoria had. Victoria was getting fellowships and Robin was stuck at Metro News 1.

"It's in Germany."

"Oh," she said slowly taking in the implications. "Are you going to take it?"

"I-" she hesitated. "I don't know. I want to, but long distance relationships never work out."

"And you really like Ted." Robin supplied.

"I think I love him." Noticing the shock in Robin's face, she continued. "He just gets me. Like you and Barney." Her eyes widened and a string of no's came out of her mouth.

"No, no, no, no." Robin shook her head vehemently and quickly changed the subject. "Did you talk to Ted yet?" Victoria shook her head. "You need to."

"I will as soon as you talk to Barney."

"I have nothing to talk to Barney about."

"You guys are obviously sleeping together, just talk to him." She said bluntly and Robin gave up trying to argue. Obviously, Victoria wasn't buying the entire just friends thing so, she would stop trying to sell it.

"Fine," she grumbled and their conversation ended as soon as Lily entered the room. She would talk to Barney later.

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><p>As soon as Robin walked into Marshall, Lily, and Ted's apartment later, she was immediately escorted out into the hallway by Barney. "What do you want, Barney?" She asked in an annoyed tone once the door was closed behind them.<p>

"I just wanted to talk," he shrugged. "You left in a rush this morning."

"I had somewhere to be and you were hungover." Robin defensively crossed her arms.

"I don't want to fight." Barney said softly.

"Then what do you want?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad, Barney." She looked at him sincerely. "I don't think I can do this anymore, though."

"Do what?" He asked, his eyebrows crinkling.

"We're not having sex anymore."

"What?" He looked confused.

"This thing between us," she gestured pointing to him and then her. "I can't do it anymore."

"Is this about Shannon?"

"This has nothing to do with Shannon." She said quickly, even though it had everything to do with Shannon. "I think Lily suspects something and I don't want her to start interrogating me or anything." She lied smoothly. The real reason was that she didn't want to get hurt again, but she wasn't about to tell him that.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think it's for the best anyway. We had to end this sooner or later."

"I-yeah-I guess we did." Barney mumbled running a hand through his hair. "We're still friends though, right?"

"Of course," she plastered a smile on her face. Of course they could be friends, except whenever Barney was flirting or dating another girl. Then, she'd need to stay away. God, she couldn't believe she'd been dumb enough to somehow have feelings invested in Barney Stinson. She was such an idiot. "Look, I'm gonna go home. Can you tell everyone?" He nodded and she wished him goodbye.

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><p>She planned to go home. She really did, but when she went downstairs the bar was calling to her. It had good scotch and different brands of beer, things severely lacking at her apartment. She decided to go in, just for one drink, she told herself. But one drink turned into two which turned into three which turned into more. Before she knew it, she'd been there almost two hours. She was well into her happy semi-drunk state when a disheveled Ted walked through the door.<p>

"I thought you went home." Ted mumbled collapsing across from her.

"Didn't wanna." Robin shrugged. "What's up with you?"

"Victoria's moving to Germany," Robin nodded as if she somehow knew this was coming. "She broke me up with me." He said miserably.

"I ended things with Barney."

"I thought she was the love of my life."

"The sex was really good."

"We were supposed to last forever."

"We weren't supposed to have feelings for each other."

"What the hell am I going to do?" They both said at the same time and then looked up at each other.

"You and Barney were a thing?" "Victoria broke up with you?" They asked simultaneously.

"It was stupid." Robin answered picking at the wood in the table. "Stupid Barney and his blue eyes and funny jokes and suits." She sniffed.

"Victoria had such pretty hair. Where am I ever going to find another girl with such pretty hair?" He asked sadly.

"Drunk Ted is fun." Robin complained remembering some of the stories she'd been told and witnessed on occasion. "But sad drunk Ted is just really sad."

"Love sucks. It ruins everything." Ted mumbled letting his head hit the table with a thud.

"Yeah, it does." Robin agreed ruffling Ted's hair softly. "It really really does."


	12. Fix It

I am so so so sorry this took so long to update. I feel terrible. I could bore you with all the details of why I couldn't update, but I won't. I'll just say I'm sorry I couldn't update sooner and I hope you guys didn't forget about this story! My life is less busy now and I should be back to updating as frequently as I used to. Yay! Anyway, I really appreciate all your feedback, it means so so much. So, thank you guys! Now on with the story...

Barney walked into MacLaren's hoping he could maybe get Ted down there to join in his misery. Even though part of him purposefully sabotaged his whatever it was that he had with Robin, it still sucked. So, he walked into MacLaren's with the intention to drown his sorrows, but what ended up happening was a completely different story. He walked into the bar and saw Ted making out with a woman, a very familiar woman. Ted was making out with Robin. He felt his heart jump into his throat and he froze. His first instinct was to rip them away from each other and his second instinct was to punch a wall. Instead he walked out because he really had no right to feel anything. Robin was never his to claim. Besides, he was the one who caused their downfall. He took a deep breath outside the bar and pressed his fingers into his eyes.

He wanted to be pissed off at Ted, but he never even told Ted how he felt about Robin. Did that mean he was breaking the bro code? Probably not. He couldn't believe he was actually upset about this. He wasn't upset about a girl after Shannon. He didn't allow himself to be. He was mad at himself for getting sucked in this deep with Robin. They were just supposed to be sleeping together, but when she ended that in the hallway a couple of hours ago, it certainly felt like a break-up. He was going to go home and go to bed. He was sure he would feel better in the morning. Everything was always better in the morning. Well, most of the time.

-.-

"I want Victoria back!" Ted whined rolling over to face Robin on the bed. Carl had cut them off at the bar so they had stumbled upstairs and landed in Ted's bed since sitting up straight wasn't exactly an option.

"No!" Robin said pointing a finger at him. "No, she dumped you. Don't go whining and begging her to take you back. That's pathetic. Make her miss you." She slurred.

"But I was in love with her."

"Love is stupid." Robin declared.

"Are you in love with Barney?" He mumbled into the pillow.

"No, no, no, no, no." She giggled. "Definitely not."

"I think you're lyiiiiing!" He sang.

"I think you're an asshole."

"Hey! I thought we were both on the same side."

"We are not! You want to get married and have a family," she mocked the last word, her nose scrunching up in disgust. "I just wanted fun, commitment free sex."

"But you got love!"

"I'm not in love with Barney." She grumbled and started to sit up. "I'm going home." She glared at Ted and continued to make her way across the room.

"It might be lame to be a hopeless romantic, but it's not any better to run away from your feelings." Ted said wisely stopping Robin in her tracks. She turned to look at him and he smiled widely. "That's right. Drunk Ted is also very smart. You should listen to Drunk Ted."

"Well, Drunk Robin won't remember what Drunk Ted said in the morning."

"Then call him right now."

"What?" Robin asked slumping against the doorway, mostly because she couldn't hold her body weight anymore. Ted picked up the phone and dialed Barney's number holding it up for Robin to see. "NO!" She shouted quickly stumbling across the room. "Give me the phone!" She requested as Ted stood up on the bed holding the phone out of her reach. "You're going to fall." She crossed her arms glaring at him, but he smiled and put the phone up to his ear.

"Barney? Hey, hey Barney! It's Ted. I'm with Robin. We actually made out earlier." He giggled.

"Ted!" Robin yelled jumping up on the bed. Ted backed away from her still holding the phone to his ear.

"Sorry! Forget you heard that. I just wanted to tell you that Robin thinks you're super cute and she wants to have your babies!" Robin pushed him and he, very ungracefully, fell off the bed clutching the phone in his hand. "Ow, why'd you do that?"

"Why'd you call Barney?"

"Because he had to know."

"I'm going to sleep out in the living room." She fumbled with the doorknob and collapsed on the couch.

"You'll thank me in the morning!" Ted sang out.

"No, I won't!"

"Yes, you will!" He yelled back.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Would you two shut up!" Marshall's voice boomed from the other room and they both immediately quieted.

"Sorry." Robin called meekly in their direction and then settled herself on the couch. She closed her eyes willing herself not to think of Barney or Ted or the phone call and instead went to sleep.

-.-

When Barney woke up, he didn't feel better. In fact, he felt worse. It was the first time in almost three weeks that he woke up without Robin in the general vicinity. And it sucked. He missed her. And that was stupid and embarrassing because he was Barney Stinson and he didn't feel like this about women. He didn't. He was going to forget about Robin. Completely.

He sighed checking his phone and noticed there was a voicemail from Ted. He knew before he even listened to it, that it was a drunk dial. He squeezed his eyes together flipping the phone shut once the message was over. So, Ted knew about what happened between him and Robin. He stuffed the phone in his pocket and decided he needed to go over there.

When he got to Ted's (and Lily and Marshall's) place, he was determined to not be angry with Ted. It wasn't Ted's fault that Barney screwed up magnificently, plus they had been drunk. It wasn't a big deal. So, he knocked and prayed to God that Robin wasn't there because he couldn't handle seeing her right now. And if she was still there it meant she spent the night and he knew what that meant. The door swung open and he saw Robin on the couch and he almost lost it right there.

"You slept with her." Barney accused quietly trying to keep the hurt out of his voice. Ted's eyes went wide and he started shaking his head.

"No, no, Barney. I wouldn't do that." Robin stood up from her place on the couch and managed a nod in his direction. He wasn't sure he believed Ted, so he turned his gaze to Robin.

"Did you sleep with him?" Robin's face hardened and she crossed her arms.

"I don't see why that's any of your business, but no."

"We made out!" Ted yelled from behind him.

"Ted!" Robin screeched.

"I saw you guys." Barney admitted. "Plus, I got your message." He gestured in their direction and Robin glared at Ted. He figured the call probably hadn't been her idea, now he knew for sure.

"I'm sorry." Ted said and Barney didn't know who he was apologizing to, but Robin immediately spoke up.

"No, don't apologize to him. You have no reason to be sorry."

"I broke the bro code. Robin was yours, I shouldn't have gone there." Ted clapped him on the back and moved toward the window in the room, clearly sensing Robin's bad mood.

"No, I am not anybody's and I'm definitely not Barney's."

"Robin-" He tried to take a step toward her, but she stepped back right away.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"I thought we were still friends." He said weakly. Robin stood there silently, not daring to look at Ted or Barney.

"I need to get out of here." She mumbled grabbing her purse and pushing past Barney. He reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Wait- I just, I just want to talk." He pleaded not letting go of her arm.

"There's nothing to say, Barney." She tried to wrench her arm out of his grip, but he wasn't letting go.

"Look, you don't have to say anything. Just listen?" Barney suggested hopefully letting go of her arm.

"Fine, I have to leave in 15 minutes though."

"I'll just be in here." Ted said backing into his room, even though both were ignoring him.

"I- what happened with Shannon was stupid." Robin closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I don't want to talk about this again."

"Let me finish." He took a deep breath willing himself to finish the little speech he had prepared. He opened his mouth to speak again, but couldn't remember what he was supposed to say next. "I didn't mean to hurt you." He said lamely. "I wasn't thinking."

"No," Robin laughed humorlessly. "It's my fault for thinking you might care. I overestimated what was going on between us. I let myself have feelings. And I thought maybe you did too, clearly I was wrong. I must have misinterpreted you taking me to meet your mom and you breaking every single rule we set for ourselves and you, Barney fucking Stinson, not sleeping with anyone else for almost a month. I thought that meant you had feelings invested in this too, but obviously that wasn't it." Barney's heart was breaking from the hurt in her voice. He really had fucked up royally and there seemed to be no way to fix it now.

"Robin-"

"It's okay," she cleared her throat. "I get it and I'll stay out of your way. Don't worry about me the next time you sleep with some woman." She pushed passed him and right out the door.

"Shit," he mumbled sitting down on the couch.

"Well, you really screwed that one up buddy." Ted laughed walking into the room sitting down next to him.

"You're not helping." Barney muttered darkly. He never hated himself more than he did in this moment. He didn't realize just how much he had hurt Robin. Not only did he feel awful about that, but he screwed up his chances with the first girl he felt something for since he dated Shannon. "She hates me."

"No, she just isn't used to being hurt. Robin normally protects herself really well and falling for you caught her off guard." Barney looked at Ted in surprise.

"Did you learn that when your tongue was down her throat?"

"I'm sorry about that," Ted repeated. "But no, when Robin gets drunk, she gets talkative."

"I can barely get her talk to me and when I do she's yelling at me."

"Look, you screwed up and you gotta face it." Ted said, but Barney already knew that. He was well aware of the fact and having Ted point it out wasn't making it any better. "You need to fix it."

"Honestly, I think it's beyond fixing. Which is fine, I don't need a woman cramping my style anyway." He brushed off nonchalantly.

"Fine, go back to being womanizer Barney, but if you don't get your act together and do something soon, you'll lose Robin for good. She's an amazing woman, Barney. She won't stay single for long." Barney studied Ted closely. He didn't think Ted would go after Robin, but what he said really struck a chord. Because Ted was right. Robin couldn't go a day without being hit on.

"What should I do?" Barney questioned because he sucked at this romantic stuff. He had no idea how to get Robin back on his side.

"Hold up a radio outside her window, climb up her fire escape, sing her a song! Oooh, fill her mailbox with orange Tic Tacs!" Ted cheered and Barney rolled his eyes.

"Dude, you have to stop watching Juno. Besides, Robin doesn't even like orange Tic Tacs."

"The green ones, then?"

"Seriously," he repeated hoping Ted would grasp just how important this was to him.

"You know Robin way better than I do Barney, just think about it. It'll come to you." Ted patted Barney on the back supportively and then got up and headed for the kitchen.


	13. Super Date

_So, it didn't take quite as long for me to update this time. Yay! I'm feeling kind of so-so about this chapter though. I feel like Barney's probably a little OOC, but I really wasn't sure what I wanted to happen. So, sorry haha. Anyways, I was thinking there's probably two chapters left of this story? I could change my mind though, we'll see what happens. This chapter went a completely different direction than I planned originally, so I really can't promise anything. Anyway, as always thanks for all the awesome feedback. You guys are completely amazing._

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><p>Robin missed Barney. She was angry at Barney for sleeping with Shannon, but mostly she was angry with herself for getting so attached. She had been avoiding MacLaren'sthe gang/Barney for two weeks. She had talked to Ted once, but that was it. She wasn't answering the phone for anyone else. She figured she owed it to Ted after their drunken make-out session. Plus, she didn't want Ted to think she was mad at him, because it was all Barney's fault.

She sighed when there was a knock on her door. She knew she had to answer it, whoever it was had come all the way to her apartment and she couldn't ignore them. She opened the door and prayed that it wasn't Barney. She breathed a sigh of relief when it was only Lily.

"Hey, Lil." Robin smiled moving aside to let her friend in, but Lily blew right past her and started pacing around the coffee table. "Are you okay?"

"Nope," Robin started to ask what was wrong, but Lily continued before she could. "Actually, I'm fine. But you are not. Because you are sleeping with Barney. What the hell, Robin? I told you not to do that." Lily scolded in her teacher voice.

"I'm not sleeping with him!" _Anymore…_she mentally added.

"Well, no, not anymore. I've noticed the way you're never around. Plus, Barney's been acting really weird." Lily said as if it had been obvious the whole time and Robin wondered why she hadn't noticed earlier. "And Ted kind of told me."

"Dammit Ted," Robin muttered.

"No, no, no. This is not Ted's fault. How could you get involved with Barney?"

"I don't know! He's really charming and hot and it seemed like a good idea…"

"What part of sleeping with Barney seemed like a good idea?"

"Mostly the sex part," Robin shrugged nonchalantly sitting down on the couch.

"I've always been curious. Was it good? Did he have, like, sex toys and stuff?" Robin opened her mouth to answer, but Lily shook her head. "No, that's not what I came over for."

"What did you come over for?"

"To yell at you for sleeping with Barney!"

"You already did that." Robin reminded her with a sigh.

"Also to find out why you've been avoiding him."

"Ted didn't tell you?"

"No, he wouldn't tell me anything." She pouted.

"Okay, then I haven't been avoiding you guys. I'm just working a lot."

"Robin…" Lily chastised.

"Just drop it, Lily. It doesn't matter anymore."

"It matters when you stop coming over."

"Fine, if I stop avoiding you guys will you drop it?" Robin asked running a hand through her hair. She wished everyone would leave her alone. She was forgetting about Barney, she was moving on. Actually, she wasn't moving on because there was nothing to move on from. She and Barney had a fling. That was it. "I seriously have been busy." She said after a few moments. "It was just sex."

"Can you please tell Barney that, then? Because he won't stop moping and I'm really sick of it."

"Barney's moping?" Robin asked quietly.

"Yes!" Lily looked at her watch and stood up. "I have to go, but promise me you won't come to the bar tonight without talking to Barney first? That way everything can go back to normal."

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><p>Robin hesitated as she approached Barney's door. She thought she knew what she was doing coming over here, but now she realized she had no idea. She planned to call him before she came over, to make sure he was home and give him a heads up but she was worried she'd chicken out, if she didn't do it right away. Which was why she was standing in front of Barney's door.<p>

She knocked lightly, half-hoping he wouldn't hear her. She felt her heart rate speed up as the door swung open.

"Robin," Barney said, the shock evident in his voice as he buttoned up his shirt.

"Sorry, did I, uh, interrupt?" She mentally cursed Lily. Lily said he was moping, this didn't look like moping.

"No, no one's here." He assured her moving aside. Robin was thankful that she didn't have to deal with some girl being here. They sat down on the couch and Robin sighed trying to think of exactly what to say.

"I'm sorry." She and Barney said at the same time. Then, they both laughed.

"You first," he gestured to her before placing his hands back in his lap. She nodded and shifted on the couch, licking her lips nervously.

"I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you. I had no right to get mad at you. It's not like we were even in a relationship. I don't know what was wrong with me. I'm normally not like this, trust me. I just, I'm really sorry. You didn't deserve the way I treated you and I want everything to go back to being normal." She finished her speech with a small smile at Barney, who was staring slack-jawed.

"What if- what if I don't want everything to go back to normal?" Barney asked and that caught her off guard.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't sleep with Shannon because I could. It wasn't like that." He started to explain, but Robin didn't want to talk about Shannon again. She was making an effort here. An effort to forget what happened between her and Barney and every time she saw him he insisted on dragging it back up.

"I understand why you slept with her." She said hoping that would be enough to get him to stop talking.

"You do?"

"Yeah. I know you had to prove to yourself that you still had it in you. I get it."

"No," Barney said immediately. "That's not why I did it, at all." Robin turned toward him, eyebrows furrowed. Was he still in love with Shannon or something? "I did it because I was scared." He finally admitted and Robin had never heard him sound so vulnerable.

"Scared of what?"

"Of you, of us," he murmured staring at the couch cushion.

"Okay, you lost me."

"I did it because I had feelings for you."

"You slept with Shannon because you had feelings for me?" She repeated to make sure she had gotten it correct and Barney nodded. She knew to any normal person that his explanation would make absolutely no sense, but Robin understood it. He was afraid.

"I know it's sounds stupid but-" Robin cut him off.

"It makes sense."

"What?"

"Barney, I think you're forgetting how alike we are." She laughed.

"So, we're okay?" Barney asked and she nodded.

"Yeah, I overreacted anyway." She realized now how stupid she had been. All she had to do was have an adult conversation with Barney and everything was solved. The awkwardness and tension that was there before was gone now.

"Wanna go to MacLaren's, then laser tag?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Robin smiled standing up and following Barney toward the door.

"So, did Lily give you the same lecture she gave me?" He asked with a laugh.

"How could you sleep with him, why are you avoiding each other, and talk to him now?"

"Replace the him's with her's and I got the exact same talk."

"Lily doesn't know how to stay out of people's lives, does she?" They both laughed. They made pointless conversation, both ignoring the elephant in the room. If Barney wasn't going to bring up the fact that Robin had basically admitted to having feelings for him a two weeks ago and he had admitted he had feelings for her twenty minutes ago, she wasn't about to say anything. Lily beamed at them when they walked into the bar together.

"Are you guys together?" Lily asked excitedly, directing the question at Barney. Barney's eyes widened and he shot Lily a look. Robin looked between the two of them completely confused.

"No," Barney replied forcefully taking a seat. Robin had absolutely no idea what was going on. Barney and Lily were having some sort of telepathic conversation. She looked to Marshall, who shrugged. He seemed just as confused as she was. "Lily!" Barney squealed startling everyone at the table. "Sorry," he apologized, his voice abnormally deep. "Now, if you'll excuse us. Robin and I are going to play laser tag."

"But-" She started to protest and Barney shushed her placing his finger over her mouth.

"Ah ah ah. Just come with me, Scherbatsky." Barney led her outside and stopped in front of a horse and carriage. He bowed down with a flourish and smiled. "After you." Robin laughed.

"Barney, what is going on?"

"Okay, this was Ted's idea. So if you hate it, blame Ted. If you love it, it was all me. I take the credit!" He cheered climbing in the carriage behind her.

"Seriously, what?" She repeated, amused but also a little bit confused.

"Ted called it a 'super date'," he said with air quotes. "And really that's all I'm supposed to say. I have a speech but that's not happening until later." Robin opened her mouth again and Barney shook his head. "Just, sit back and enjoy."

"Okay," she said finally giving up on figuring out what was going on. She knew Barney would explain eventually and everything would make sense then. At least, she hoped it would.

The carriage stopped outside a swanky restaurant and Barney helped Robin down the steps. "Barney! I'm not dressed for this place." She hissed in a slight panic.

"Neither am I," he shrugged.

"You're wearing a suit." She sighed rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, but it's the wrong color. Besides, it doesn't matter what you're wearing." He waved a hand dismissively leading her to the door.

"Yes, it does! Everyone's going to stare at me."

"That would require people to be in here." He laughed opening the door to the empty restaurant.

"Mr. Stinson," the waiter greeted them and took them to their table.

"Did you rent this whole place out?" She asked as her eyes went wide. Barney smiled and shrugged. "Seriously, what is your job?"

"Please," he laughed with a wave of his hand. "We'll have one of everything on the menu and two scotches?" He looked to Robin for confirmation and she nodded in a daze.

"I don't understand." She said once she took a sip of scotch. "Why are you doing this?"

"You're so impatient." He sighed shaking his head. "I already told you I have a speech, but it's not time yet."

"Fine, I'm done asking." She laughed tapping Barney's glass in a cheer.

"Good."

* * *

><p>Robin had been enjoying herself tonight, which bothered her. A lot. She woke up this morning determined to forget about Barney and ended the night on a date with him. She never would have agreed to the date if she would have known beforehand, but it had kind of snuck up on her. Everything involving had snuck up on her. She glanced up at Barney, whom she was following up many flights of stairs. "Are we almost there?" She asked taking a deep breath.<p>

"Yeah. Jeeze, Scherbatsky. Are you out of breath?" He laughed. "You should work out more."

"Shut up," She glared at him.

"Alright, here we go." He smiled pushing open the door to the rooftop.

"Why are we here?" Robin asked looking around at the abandoned scene.

"Time for the speech," he announced taking a deep breath and pulling index cards out of his suit pocket. She watched him in amusement trying to hold back a smile.

"Robin, I l-" He started to read off the card and then shook his head stuffing it back into his pocket. "Ted wrote it and it's way too corny." He admitted. "You didn't misinterpret everything. I know I broke every rule and I took you to meet my mom, which I never do, and I invited you to my Thanksgiving tradition. I did it because I care about you. Because I have-because I have these crazy feelings for you that I don't know what to do with. And it drives me insane because Barney Stinson doesn't fall for anyone. But you worked your way into- I just didn't know what to do around you. And it made me do a very stupid thing, which I won't mention because you told me to stop talking about it, but it's true. And these last two weeks that we didn't talk absolutely sucked. I really don't want that to ever happen again. And that's what's going on. That's why I did all of this." He said taking a deep breath and leaning against the wall. "Your turn," Barney smirked looking towards her.


	14. You're an Idiot

_Alright before we talk about this story at all. Can I just make a comment about the finale? This is where you stop reading, if you haven't watched it yet. Although, I'm assuming you all have. Robin is the bride! Which we all knew and predicted, but it's official. Swarkles is canon! Words cannot describe my happiness. Ahhhhhh!_

_Okay, anyways...hahah. This is the last chapter of this story! I thought there'd be two more, but I really liked the way this ended so, yeah. I hope you guys enjoyed this story. I really loved writing it. I'm obviously going to continue writing more HIMYM stories, especially since we have to wait until September for new episodes. What are we going to do? I don't know if I'm going to make it. But if you are having HIMYM withdrawals as well, check out my other stories. Thank you guys so much for all your wonderful reviews and support. It means a lot and I hope you liked this story!_

* * *

><p>"Wow." Robin muttered.<p>

"I know it's a lot to take in," Barney shrugged waiting for some sort of rejection to come.

"Wow," she repeated.

"Yeah, you already said that…"

"I just- I don't know. I wasn't expecting that."

"I wasn't going to say anything, but Ted wouldn't let it go. And he said if I didn't tell you, he would and if you were going to find out I at least wanted you to find out from me…" He explained trying to remain calm. It's not like he expected Robin to jump into his arms with a declaration of love, he was expecting _something,_ though. But she just kept staring at him.

"I don't know if this is a good idea. I mean, it didn't work out the first time. What if were too awesome to be together?"

"Robin, I've been a lot of places and seen a lot of things, but I've never seen anything that's too awesome. It's impossible for there to be too much awesome. You're awesome and I'm obviously awesome. And awesome times awesome doesn't cancel it out, if anything it's awesome squared, which sounds pretty awesome if you ask me." He said with a slight smile waiting for Robin's answer.

"You're an idiot." She laughed and shook her head taking a step toward him.

"Am I your idiot?" He asked pulling her closer. He saw the slight panic in her eyes and quickly backtracked. "I mean- I don't mean- I don't- we don't have to-" Barney sputtered off and then took a deep breath. "We don't have to put a label on it." Honestly, he didn't want a label on it. That would just set standards that he wasn't sure he could reach. "I don't have to be your boyfriend. I just want you to know that I'm in this and I'm done sleeping with other girls."

"Barney-" She interrupted, but he wouldn't let her speak.

"No, I am because there's nothing out there that another girl can do, that you can't. Trust me, I tried to get this girl to do that thing we did the other week. Apparently not every girl can bend her legs that way. Plus, they're not as hot as you." I know we suck at relationships, but I want to try." He admitted quietly.

"I'm worried it'll ruin our friendship. I don't want to lose you, Barney."

"Robin, and I hate to be a downer here, but I think we already ruined our friendship the moment we started the whole friends with benefits thing…" Robin chewed on her bottom lip thinking it over. "You don't have to decide right now, but at least think about it." She smiled and took another step toward him gently pressing her lips against his.

"You're my idiot."

* * *

><p>"Hey guys," Barney and Robin greeted sitting down across from Marshall, Ted, and Lily in their normal booth. Ted and Lily looked at them expectantly, but Barney and Robin continued on nonchalantly as if nothing had happened.<p>

"Hey guys? That's all you have to say is 'hey guys'?" Lily asked getting frustrated. Barney shrugged and Robin took a sip of her drink.

"Did you read the speech?" Ted asked bouncing in his seat.

"What is going on?" Marshall questioned looking between the rest of the people at the table.

"Yes, Lily. That is all we have to say. And no, Ted, I did not read your lame, corny speech. I made up my own awesome speech in the moment and it was legen- wait for it! Dary! Legendary!"

"Hey! I worked hard on that speech!" Ted pouted crossing his arms.

"Ted, you started it with 'I love you', you didn't really think I was going to read that?" Barney scoffed.

"What is happening?" Marshall yelled gaining everyone's attention.

"I think…I think Barney and Robin are in a relationship." Marshall's eyes widened and his face lit up.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no," the two of them protested as soon as the words left Ted's mouth.

"Barney and I are way too awesome to be in a relationship." Robin laughed rolling her eyes.

"So, then what's going on here?" Lily asked in a stern voice.

"We are hanging out and having sex exclusively with each other."

"Well, I think someone's checking out your exclusive sex partner." Lily said gesturing to the back of the bar. Barney turned in his chair and noticed that there was a guy staring at Robin. Barney sent the man the meanest glare he could manage before placing his arm possessively around Robin's shoulders.

"Dude, chill!" She said adjusting herself under his arm. "Just because he's staring at me doesn't mean I'm going to talk to him."

"He's coming over here."

"Hey buddy, I don't know what you're planning on saying, but let me save you the trouble and embarrassment. She's taken." Barney smirked.

"Yeah, I got that." The man laughed and then turned his attention toward Robin. "I'm sorry, you just look really familiar and it was driving me crazy. Do we know each other from somewhere?"

"The classic 'do I know you?' line." Barney scoffed. "Not gonna work," he mumbled jealousy clear in his voice. Robin elbowed him in the ribs and he groaned. He was trying not to be jealous, but he didn't want to share Robin. He really liked her, maybe even loved her, and he really wasn't a fan of random guys trying to hit on her. He knew it would happen, but he hated it already.

"It's not a line," the guy insisted. "Did we used to work together or something?"

"Uhm, I don't think so…" Robin trailed off, a look of concentration on her face.

"Maybe high school," he said chewing on his lower lip. "Did you grow up in Canada?" Robin smiled.

"I did actually!" He understood Robin was excited to meet a fellow Canadian, especially because they were less than polite about her home country, but he wanted to make this guy go away. Everyone at the table was focused on Robin's conversation and Barney couldn't stand it.

"Hey, there's a sale going on at Sharper Image, do you guys want to go to the mall?" What happened the next couple of seconds confused Barney. As soon as the word mall left his mouth, Robin paled and the stranger's face lit up.

"No way!" He cheered.

"No, no, no, no," Robin mumbled burying her head in her hands.

"No way!" The man repeated. "You're Robin Sparkles!"

"No, I'm not!" Robin quickly denied. "She was a blonde."

"Well, you may have dyed your hair and gotten older, but you are definitely Robin Sparkles." He said sure of himself. "Man, I knew I recognized you from somewhere. I used to have a poster in my room."

"Little creepy, dude." Robin muttered glaring at the bar.

"Any chance you'll get up and sing Let's Go to the Mall?"

"Not at all." She said taking a swig of beer.

"Hey, what ever happened to Jessica Glitter?"

"Dude! Take a hint and go away."

"Can I at least get an autograph?" Robin decided to ignore the man and instead turned back to her friends.

"So, what did you guys do today?"

"Oh, you do not get off that easy." Lily laughed. "Who is Robin Sparkles?"

"You guys don't have to worry about it." She shrugged leaning against Barney's arm.

"Oh, I think we do." Marshall smiled widely.

"Yes, as your exclusive sex partner I don't think we should keep secrets from each other." Barney chimed in. He didn't know who Robin Sparkles was, but it sounded like a good porn name. Plus there was a Jessica Glitter. What if Robin did girl on girl porn?

"Really? Then what's your job?" She asked raising an eyebrow at Barney.

"Something that's powerful enough to find out who Robin Sparkles is whether or not you tell us." Barney shrugged taking a sip of his beer.

"Ugh, come on." Robin muttered standing up.

"Where are we going?" Ted asked.

"I can't just tell you who Robin Sparkles is. I have to show you…" She said regretfully.

"Yes!" He cheered with a fist pump. "It's porn, isn't it?" He smiled widely following Robin up the steps. "Robin was a porn star!" Barney whispered to Ted.

"If Robin was a porn star, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't show us." Ted said debunking Barney's theory.

"You're such a spoil sport, Ted." Barney mumbled like a petulant child. Robin quickly pulled up a video entitled 'Let's Go to the Mall' and backed away as the other four gathered around the computer. Everyone was bouncing on their feet in excitement once Barney hit the play button.

"This is so totally porn." Barney commented when the beginning of the video started.

"I wish." Robin muttered from the other side of the table.

"Oh my God!" Lily squealed once the song started.

"Nice robot," Marshall smiled.

"Guys, Robin is rapping!" Ted cheered, eyes wide. Barney continued to stare at the screen completely speechless. After the video was over all four of them turned toward Robin, shock written all over their faces.

"I used to be a teenage pop-star in Canada." Robin admitted. Barney took a couple steps toward her and then broke into a wide smile.

"My girlfriend is awesome!" He cheered pulling Robin into a hug.

"Can we never mention this again?" She asked from her place in Barney's arms.

"Are you kidding me? I'm going to show this to everyone at work and watch it a million more times. Please tell me there's another video or a CD? Robin! Is there a Robin Sparkles fan club? Do you still have the robot? Do you have the jean jacket? Can we watch the video again?" Barney walked back over to the computer hitting the replay button. "This is awesome! You're awesome! My girlfriend is awesome!" He repeated entranced by the video.

"Awh, Barney is in a committed relationship and Robin used to be a Canadian pop-star. This is the best day ever!" Marshall smiled sitting down on the couch.

"Do you guys want to go on a double date with us?" Lily asked. Barney and Robin looked at each other in horror.

"I guess so…" Robin finally acquiesced after a moment of silence. They really couldn't deny their best friends.

"It'll be the best night ever!" Marshall said patting Barney on the back. "You guys like Gouda, right?"


End file.
